Thirteen Reasons Why Discussion #3

**Trigger Warning — This post covers a broad spectrum of potentially triggering topics, such as abuse, bullying, sexual assault, and suicide. Please read with caution. If you need to find help for any reason, go to 13ReasonsWhy.info.**

The Problems: Part Three

**Spoilers Ahead — proceed with caution.**

I’m back with another discussion post about the controversial TV show, Thirteen Reasons Why. If you haven’t already, feel free to read the introduction, The Problems: Parts One and Two.

In this discussion I’m going to talk about the tapes. However, this is a two-sided discussion, because there was definitely a problem, but there was something the writers and showrunners did right. I’ll discuss the latter in a later post. This one is going to center around the “revenge plot” the world is up in arms about.
In Thirteen Reasons Why, Hannah Baker goes through a series of devastating events that build up over time and eventually take away her sense of self. In reason number ten, Hannah’s thoughts start to take a turn from lonely, objectified, and dejected, to something much darker.

After that (mostly) disastrous night at Jessica’s party, Sheri offers to take a drunken Hannah home. While distracted, Sheri ends up knocking down a stop sign and then abandons Hannah when she insists on calling the police. Within the minutes it takes her to reach the Blu Spot Liquor Store, a fatal accident occurs at the same intersection.

When Hannah realizes the location of the accident, she confronts Sheri, who then warns Hannah, “Keep your mouth shut,” and informs her that they shouldn’t be seen together going forward.

Being the kind of person Hannah is (continuing to be a friend to people that continuously turn their backs on her) she stays silent about fellow classmate, Jeff’s death. But, at the same time, she begins thinking, “It was becoming more than I could live with.” And from there, with increasing conviction, she believes that all she manages to do is make lives for everyone else worse, and that the world would be a better place without her.

Reason number twelve, arguably the worst of all the other reasons leading up to her decision to make the tapes, solidified her resolve. So, Hannah begins to write down a list of names and works out all the things that happened and who was responsible for them. As she finishes mapping everything out and the puzzle becomes clear, she makes the determination, “No one would ever hurt me again.”

Having heard of countless other people talk about their thoughts after experiencing similar events at school, I can understand Hannah’s last effort to stand up for herself. The problem is that she lacks the ability to see what kind of an effect her tapes would have on other people.

The thing people have a problem understanding is that Hannah has had everything stripped from her and she feels that the people responsible need to know what they’ve done to ruin her life. But why does she think that?

Many adults seem to forget what it was like being a teenager, and how everything seemed infinite. Permanent. That’s because the frontal lobe of a teenage brain hasn’t fully formed yet. Hannah was in the same situation. She couldn’t fathom any other option. And unfortunately for her, she didn’t have anyone to tell her otherwise.

The decision to include Clay in the tapes was arguably the worst part. Leading up to not-so-reason-number-eleven, he was tortured. Even awaiting reasons twelve and thirteen, Clay faced the reality of Hannah’s proverbial final nails in her coffin. All the while, Tony continuously tells him to listen to the tapes, because,  “It’s what Hannah wanted.” But, as a result, he felt constant fear and anxiety.

Even Hannah admits that Clay did nothing wrong, but she wanted him to know her reasons. Perhaps the most tragic thing she says to Clay in order to justify pushing him away is, “I would have ruined you.”

I know from my own past that if I was alone when the worst of my memories resurfaced, I don’t know how I would have survived. But more importantly, as I continue to try to push through my reality of complex PTSD, those very same thoughts pass through my head on a daily basis. I constantly question if my husband would be happier without me, because it feels as though my problems shouldn’t be his to bear as well.

As probably the only person that could have been there to change Hannah’s mind about suicide, Clay was ultimately clueless about what she was dealing with. She may not have realized how much damage she was doing to Clay, and her “revenge” on the others was her last, and she believed, only way to fight back after her death.

Right or wrong, making those tapes gave Clay — and, to a lesser extent, Tony — the chance to find some justice for her, when she couldn’t get it for herself. In a later post, I’ll discuss the other, positive side of her tapes.

© Sarah Doughty

Review: Watercolor Words

This was originally shared as an exclusive sneak peak in the second poetry issue of Mailbox Eulogies a week ago. To join, click here.

I purchased this book at a signing and Topher Kearby was both kind and considerate to me and my family. I read the book that night and I really enjoyed the mix of typed poems, art, and poetry. Most of the poems resonated with me and I felt a deep connection with them. His unique way of expressing himself through his art is unlike anything I’ve seen before and I’m lucky to be a part of it.

5/5 Stars

Have a poetry book you’d like to recommend? Drop it in the comments or send me an email via my about page.

© Sarah Doughty

Thirteen Reasons Why Discussion #2

**Trigger Warning — This post covers a broad spectrum of potentially triggering topics, such as abuse, bullying, cutting, sexual assault, and suicide. Please read with caution. If you need to find help for any reason, go to 13ReasonsWhy.info.**

The Problems: Part Two

**Spoilers Ahead — proceed with caution.**

I’m back with another discussion post about the controversial TV show, Thirteen Reasons Why. If you haven’t already, feel free to read the introduction here and the first discussion here.

There’s been lots of speculation over the show’s decision with Skye, Clay’s old friend — someone he hasn’t connected with in some time. As we see Skye throughout the show, we can tell she’s carrying some baggage of her own. Her tattoos, makeup, clothing, and accessories are indicative enough of her individuality. Now, we don’t know her past, but we do know that she’s been through something. Or, at least, her appearance gives us that impression.

Clay and Skye’s relationship is on unstable grounds, and he isn’t sure whether he can trust her, let alone consider her a friend.

When Clay is anxious about hearing his tape in episode eleven, Skye offers to help him with a Tarot reading. Intrigued by what she could offer him, he agrees. But as she starts to read the cards, Clay takes the offensive, which leads to an argument. Her analysis is too close for him to handle, and he thinks she is intentionally trying to provoke him.

But Skye’s appearance — those tattoos, her makeup and hair, even her accessories, clothes, and her use of Tarot cards isn’t what’s stirring up discussion and controversy. It’s what happens when Clay strikes back at her.

As Skye deals the cards, Clay notices scars. Tiny cuts, in various stages of healing along her inner wrist and forearm. A clear sign that she is what many refer to as a cutter. As he lashes out in the middle of her reading, she asks, “Why would I be jealous of a dead girl? What she did was stupid.”

In defense, Clay mentions that she didn’t know anything about Hannah.

“I know she didn’t go through anything different than any of us. We all get through it.”

Clay grabs Skye’s arm, gesturing at the cuts on her wrist, and asks, “Then what’s that?”

“It’s what you do instead of killing yourself.”

Simple answer, right? Not really.

Now, before you jump on my back and attack what I’m saying, hear me out. Since I haven’t read the book, I don’t know if Skye is in it, or if she is, if this is even a part of her storyline, but what I do know is that this show is just like fiction. Imagine if you were reading a book, would you think anything other than, “This is just one girl’s opinion.”

But that’s exactly what it is. A character is someone with his or her own thoughts, beliefs, and choices. This is Skye’s method of coping.

What has the world up in arms is the argument that the show is subtly telling teens they should cut instead of slit their wrists. Perhaps some might feel that cutting is a viable answer. It isn’t the right answer, but at least it isn’t suicide.

One (fictional) girl’s opinion doesn’t mean that the show wants anyone contemplating suicide to cut instead, though some may argue that point. But is it really that unrealistic to see one girl in high school dealing her pain in the way Skye does?

I don’t think so.

Why?

If you’re dealing with as much insecurity and ridicule as Hannah and Skye (or any other girl in high school, or victim of abuse, or sexual assualt, etc.) there’s bound to be some damaged ones dealing any way they can. Especially with people who deal with extreme levels of anxiety or fears — the kinds of emotions most cutters feel the most when they experience that urge to feel physical pain instead of emotional — it doesn’t seem that unlikely.

You see, when someone diagnosed with Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, or NSSI, feels physical pain, scans revealed a decrease in activity in the emotional centers of the brain. Feeling physical pain helps them feel better emotionally. (Source) Does this behavior mean that it’s safe to be an NSSI? Not at all.

I don’t think Netflix or the writers were wrong about Skye and her answer to Clay, but I do think it’s worth mentioning. Yes, it is a cause for concern — not for the show, and Skye’s explanation in particular, but for anyone that causes physical harm to themselves. NSSIs are statistically at an increased risk of suicide, either on purpose or by accident, and it should be stressed that individuals that harm themselves need to seek out help.

A warning at the end of this episode informing people that self-harm shouldn’t be considered a viable option and that anyone suffering from it needs to find help would suffice.

© Sarah Doughty

Thirteen Reasons Why Discussion #1

**Trigger Warning — This post covers a broad spectrum of potentially triggering topics, such as abuse, bullying, sexual assault, and suicide. Please read with caution. If you need to find help for any reason, go to 13ReasonsWhy.info.**

After introducing this series, this will serve as the first of insightful discussion posts surrounding the controversial show, Thirteen Reasons Why.

The Problems: Part One

To begin, one of my biggest issues with Thirteen Reasons Why was the lack of proper warnings. When the show was first released to Netflix, I saw the preview. It was the first thing that started to play when I opened it. And of course, it caught my attention right away. I didn’t know it was a bestselling mystery, (except that the trailer mentioned it was) nor did I know what that book was about.

It portrayed a tale about a girl that killed herself, and a question: Why would a dead girl lie? Small segments of the show played, which portrayed Hannah’s various stages of decline, but nothing about what happens to her.

“Don’t believe everything you hear,” one girl says.

Then, in what appears to be a heated conversation, a boy rushes, “She was just a crazy drama queen who killed herself for attention.”

The preview goes on to indicate that they (the ones alive) are afraid of the truth. And that they should be.

When the trailer ended, I was intrigued enough to add it to my list, but I didn’t start watching right away. I was left with a sense that maybe this girl witnessed some kind of murder and her secrets were what ultimately killed her. Though my assumption wasn’t entirely wrong, I was unaware of just how much of an emotional train ride I was about to take.

After a few days, I decided it was time to start watching. From the start, we know a girl is dead as a result of suicide. This brings me to my next two issues.

From the beginning of episode one, they should have included a small warning about suicide and any other triggering issues that might arise in that particular episode, including a resource for people who might need help if the content stirred up too much emotion in them. As of my last viewing, this was not addressed, despite Netflix’s statement promising that they would do so.

The resource page listed above for people who need help was only mentioned in “Beyond The Reason” which was a short documentary that came after the show’s season finale (which includes spoilers). Three episodes included warnings at the beginning. Three. Granted, these were the hardest episodes to watch, but something should have been included in other episodes as well.

Why do I think these three things are a problem? Because people are going to start watching this show, not realizing what they’re getting into before it’s too late. By the time I started piecing together where the story was headed, I was invested in the characters. What happened? Who did what? And ultimately, what was so bad that this girl saw no other way out?

I knew it would be an emotional journey, and my past experiences of abuse had little to do with Hannah Baker’s. But there were situations I related to. There were certain aspects of Hannah’s pain that resembles mine (both then and now) in a way that I felt like I knew exactly how she felt and what was going on in certain situations. I grieved for her, not just because I could relate to how she felt, but because there are so many other girls that have experienced the same thing, or will in the future. Without a lifeline, I don’t know where I would have ended up. I could only imagine how difficult it would be for someone dealing with similar issues as Hannah in school right now, or if they’ve experienced something similar in the past.

If someone already struggling begins watching this show, they could end up in a spiral of emotions, triggers, and a sleuth of other things that comes naturally with victims and sufferers of PTSD. This is why I can’t blindly recommend that everyone should watch this show. To say so would be irresponsible and potentially dangerous.

So, yes, Netflix and the showrunners could have done a better job preparing people for what was coming. I think there’s enough buzz going around that people are more aware than I was about the show’s content, but I think those things should still be addressed.

© Sarah Doughty

Mental Health Series: 13 Reasons Why

This will be the first of, hopefully, a series of insightful discussion posts.

For those of you that have seen or read Thirteen Reasons Why, Stratosphere I and II might sound a little familiar. That’s because it is. There were so many parallels of what happened in Hannah and Clay’s life that remind me of what I’ve experienced with my husband. Though Hannah’s situation was different, her thoughts were, and in many ways, still are, very similar to mine.

Since May is Mental Awareness Month, I’m going to be sharing a series of posts about the show, specifically. The faults, the things they did right, those little details that most people probably missed. But the most important part: it’s getting people talking.

I’m going to start each post with a trigger warning, because, let’s face it, this entire show can be triggering to people, and even more so as it progresses. I’ll also include a link to a landing page for people who may need to find some help if they feel like they need it for whatever reason.

My purpose here is not to take sides over the controversy. It’s not to trigger people or otherwise cause harm. I’ve learned a lot over my years, after the abuse I faced as a child, and now as an adult, trying to work through that complex PTSD.

I’m offering  insight from my perspective, and letting people know how important this story is, but also making one point very clear: this is not something I can recommend to everyone.

One way or another, most people will relate to something that happens in this story, and not everyone is in the right place to deal with the onslaught of emotions that could come from it.

But, suicide is a very real and very dangerous problem. It’s important that people notice the signs that were missed time and time again over the course of this show and understand that as human beings, we are all flawed.

Maybe, just maybe, if we are more aware of others, we will see these signs and take a moment to help someone who needs it.

© Sarah Doughty

Review: Flow And Grip

This was originally shared as an exclusive sneak peak in the first fiction issue of Mailbox Eulogies a week ago. To join, click here.

Where can I possibly begin to describe my love for these books? The simplest answer is the beginning.

Flow is the prequel novella to Grip, which is the essential backstory to the journey that is Bristol and Grip. Within the first few pages, At the airport, Grip was picking Bristol up to spend time with her brother, his best friend. Upon first seeing her, Grip thought, Black skinny jeans cling to long, lean legs that start at Monday and stretch all the way through next week, and I knew I was hooked. I grinned like a loon and even chuckled a little.

It says a lot for a book to stir such a reaction within the first few chapters, but this was merely pages. Pages, people! Ryan mentions her love for poetry and how she wanted it to shine through in her fiction, and she pulls it off with ease. A few pages later, as the narration shifts to Bristol, it’s obvious how much the narration differed so much from Grip’s, which was another dead giveaway that Ryan is a great storyteller.

As I’m marveling at the chemistry and depth of the characters, Grip blurts, “I was wondering when you’d get around to asking some questions.” His expression loosens into a grin. “You keep looking at me like I might pull over at the next rest stop and stuff you in the trunk.”

I couldn’t help it. I busted out laughing, which of course, I was reading in bed at three in the morning and I woke my poor husband up in the process. But I digress.

Each paragraph held my attention. The electricity between Bristol and Grip was off the charts.

Without getting spoilery, something happens and seven years later, Grip begins. Bristol has pushed Grip away and kept him as a friend and business partner, but Grip hasn’t wavered in his quest to win her over. The lyrical storytelling continues throughout and I was just as spellbound by the story as I was in Flow. Since this is an adult contemporary romance, it’s not for younger audiences, and if this doesn’t deter you, I recommend it. Very much.

If you’re still unsure, let me lure you a little by saying that Flow is always free to download from Amazon, so what’s the harm in trying it? As an extra bonus, Ryan (she’s such a generous soul!) is offering a giveaway of Grip to one lucky winner! See the details on that below.

Allow me the cue the angels to sing, throw some confetti, and by all means, imagine Morgan Freeman reading you some poetry. Because, these books are made of gold. (And this is the part where I’ll squeal because Ryan is writing another novel, following Bristol and Grip, called Still, and I can’t wait for it!)

5/5 Stars – Although, if I could, I’d give 6/5, because, wow.

Grip E-Book Giveaway!

One entry per action completed (must email me a screenshot of each item for them to count!):

**Giveaway will end and be announced on May 10th.**

Have a fiction book you’d like to recommend? Drop it in the comments or send me an email via my about page.

© Sarah Doughty

Eloquence In A Question #3

After an impromptu Q&A session at Instagram, there were a few questions that really stood out to me. Since this is the third installment of the series, feel free to jump back to the first and second.

Here’s how it works: Have a look at the question, read my answer, and then do one or both of the following: tell me your response to the same question, respond to my answer with thoughts of your own.

Question:

What made you come up with such beautiful poems and stories? Sometimes it’s like you’re sitting next to me, giving advice. (*Slightly paraphrased)

Answer:

Initially, I didn’t have much of a response other than gratitude and that I draw inspiration from everywhere. But then I saw a post by my friend Kindra here and felt I could elaborate appropriately.

Dealing with complex PTSD, constant anxiety, depression, and frequent migraines is like a living nightmare, but it’s worse when the people around me don’t understand what I’m going through. Oh, how many times have I heard, “You’re over reacting.”

Yes, I know my father is dead and won’t just show up in the middle of the night to prey on me like he did all those years when I was a child, but you know what? My body still thinks otherwise. Sometimes it’s hearing irrational thoughts: the worthlessness, failures, and over analyzing. But really, I’m battling years of learned behavior. Not even sleeping pills can convince my body that it’s okay to relax at night. Because, if I let down my guard for one second, if I’m not vigilant at all times, someone — no, some thing will get me.

Most people in my family didn’t fully grasp the severity of what I deal with until I was blindsided at a wedding reception in a restaurant’s wine room. A full on panic attack with tears and shaking hit me like a truck, and then finally they started to see how much something so small can end up pushing me over the edge. It was an eye opener for them.

Anxiety is no joke, and when you or someone you know is dealing with it, real support means everything. Which brings me to why I write, and why I give it away for free. So many people feel alone in their struggles. And they shouldn’t. Simple as that.

People feel as though I’m writing to them because they connect with my words on a level that, to them, feels very personal. And that’s because it is.

How about you?

Stay tuned for the next question.

Review: Milk And Honey

This was originally shared as an exclusive sneak peak in the first poetry issue of Mailbox Eulogies a week ago. To join, click here.

There’s no doubt that Ms. Kaur has overcome a lot in her years and her writing does pack a bit of a punch. But, I found that her style was a little shallow and distracting at times. Let me elaborate.

The first section was the worst, involving graphic details of being abused and molested by strangers and extended family members. This was triggering to the point that I needed to take actions to calm down before sleeping.

Further into the book, she discusses love and desire. She speaks in metaphors about masturbation, setting the world on fire with lust, using tongues to write poetry between the legs, etc. Even her line drawings were somewhat graphic in places, like fingers dripping with honey. But then when the f-word finally makes an appearance, she blocks it out with asterisks. I found that to be rather odd, but accepted it and moved on.

Her writing style doesn’t include capitalization, punctuation other than periods, or even strategic line breaks where pauses would be found naturally. A couple poems needed to be reread in order to learn the meaning. A couple pieces were somewhat complicated, requiring some time to decipher the meaning.

The rest were almost too simple. I often find that poems that can have more than one meaning, depending on how the reader interprets it, is more powerful that a shallow line that says only one thing with no other depth or nuance to it.

She tended to overuse metaphors, like setting something on fire with anger or passion, and it seemed like she included too many references to honey just for the sake of tying in with the title.

This book was good, but it wasn’t fantastic, and I wasn’t blown away by it, but considering her heritage as a Punjabi woman and that she’s set out on her own and made a life for herself is inspiring enough, especially if what she wrote was common for Punjabi families.

Bottom line is that her words were triggering, shallow, and often contradictory, but powerful enough to send a one-pointed message.

3.5/5 Stars

Have a poetry book you’d like to recommend? Drop it in the comments or send me an email via my about page.

© Sarah Doughty

Announcing – Mailbox Eulogies

The Mailbox Eulogies Newsletter has arrived!

**Edit: Today is the last day to sign up before the first poetry edition is sent out tomorrow (April 10th).**

You know that old saying, slow and steady wins the race?

It’s taken a few weeks to iron out the kinks and devise a plan to move forward with the newsletter I spoke about before. Considering the complicated nature of what I do and how I envisioned this to roll out, it was necessary to take things one step at a time. With luck, this approach will be enjoyable for everyone.

While between book projects, I’ve developed the proposed newsletter templates, sign ups, and all the fun things that need finalizing before the launch.

The day has come to release Mailbox Eulogies upon the world. I hope you’re just as excited for it as I am. If you’re anxious to sign up, feel free to jump to the bottom of this post or click here.

Here’s a rundown of what’s available:

Subscribers choose what they want to receive and can update their preferences at any time.

  • Everything (all listed below)
  • Important news, like book releases only.
  •  Poetry Newsletter
    • Updates
    • Curated Poems/Books
    • Poetry Advice Column
    • Poem & Prompt
    • Poet Interviews
    • Book Reviews
  • Fiction Newsletter:
    • Updates
    • Fiction Advice Column
    • Snippet from current WIP
    • Author interviews
    • Book Reviews
    • Cover Reveals
  • Depending on preferences, subscribers will receive an exclusive digital chapbook and/or an erotic romance short once they are ready to be released. Once they are released, new subscribers will receive them immediately.

What about the course?

I’m glad you asked! This is in the works right now. I’m hashing out the number of “days” required to cover each course: Online Presence, Plotting & Research, Writing, and Self-Publishing. This might take some time because I want to release courses for “registration” once they’re completed. So stay tuned on that.

MailerLite

Eloquence In A Question #2

This is the second of, hopefully, a series of insightful question/discussion posts. See the first here.

Here’s how it works: Have a look at the question, read my answer, and then do one or both of the following: tell me your response to the same question, respond to my answer with thoughts of your own.

Question:

If there comes a day when you don’t see tomorrow, what’s something that you hope to leave behind? What would your legacy be?

Answer:

When the day comes that I’m no longer here, I hope people, especially my family, will remember me. I will leave behind an amazing little boy that is wiser than his years, who has been empathetic since before he was born. I will leave behind a husband that adores his wife and does everything he can to help me and make me happy. In the end, what will truly remain of me — a part of my soul — will be left in my words. Every poem is a little piece of me. Every piece of fiction, every book, every narrative thought, came from my essence. No matter how fantastical the story, deep down, there are real problems to solve, real issues at stake, real thoughts, emotions and trials to face. These are all things I will leave behind in this world, and I hope they will continue to inspire others and give hope, where there otherwise may not be.

How about you?

Stay tuned for the next question.