Conjured by Sarah Doughty
“But let me tell you this:
loving you wasn’t a choice.
It was inevitable.
And I loved you anyway.”
It didn’t matter to me
what anyone else thought.
It didn’t matter if you
were wrong for me.
I tried to listen
to those whispers,
knowing our odds.
But let me tell you this:
loving you wasn’t a choice.
It was inevitable.
And I loved you anyway.
We might end in heartbreak,
but I just can’t bring myself to care.
© Sarah Doughty
2018
And I don’t think I ever will.
“As long as you’re with me,
I hold on to hope that
everything will be okay.”
By night’s dark embrace, I hold on
to hope with everything that’s left.
The night embraced me in her darkness, an embrace I never expected. An embrace that made me feel comforted. It was foreign, but oh so nice. And I felt that warmth every frightful night. Before the steps coming my way and the living nightmare that would come. The night held me in her embrace as I waited, and she continued to hold me until the pre-dawn light announced the start of a new day.
The night, in whatever form she takes, has been my constant. I am one with the night. With all her darkness, all her shimmering lights. Those glowing embers flickering off in the distance millions of miles away. Through every phase of the moon, and through every storm, she remains. And for as long as I live, I will continue to look upon her with fondness and comfort.
© Sarah Doughty
2018
This was written as part of a large collaboration of incredibly talented writers called Petitions.
“My heart was never yours to darken,
but you tried your best.
Too bad it wasn’t enough.”
No matter how much I try to forget about you, you’re always there in the shadows. Like my own personal ghost. My demon from the past. I’ve come to accept that you’ll always be with me, and I don’t know if that realization is a relief, or yet another burden for me to bear. Either way, I’ll keep compiling a list of all the things I’ve overcome — all those things you told me I could never do. And until the day I die, I’ll keep proving it.
© Sarah Doughty
2018 (except for expanded list)
One year older, one more year of memories.
Heya Lovelies,
As a writer taking a rather unique path, I often receive a wide range of questions. So far, I’ve covered some broad topics which you can find here and I’ll continue to shed some light on further questions. With luck, you’ll gain some understanding and insight along the way.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, feel free to comment or drop me an email.
Let me start off by saying that I don’t have a day job. But that doesn’t mean my days are simple and easy.
If I’m feeling well enough, I’ll write or edit from mid- to late- morning until lunchtime, take break for more coffee and then restart my pre-writing routine for another hour or two in the afternoon.
With the pre-writing ritual I mentioned last week, I start up my playlist to settle my racing mind, and brew a hot beverage (usually coffee). By the time I sit in my favorite seat — a vintage, red velvet wing chair with a dark walnut frame, my mind and muse are ready to begin.
While I’m writing, I know the progression of the story, so I don’t often run into instances where I just don’t know what to write. However, my muse may be on hiatus for a day here and there to show my progress. Otherwise, I’m usually able to churn out around three scenes over the course of the day, which generally equates to about one thousand words each.
There are plenty of days where I either don’t feel well enough (like a bad headache) to do more than one scene, or do anything other than stay in bed (in this case, a migraine). Self-doubt and debilitating anxiety often rears its head if this happens, but I do my best to accept that my circumstances won’t allow me to accomplish as much as I’d hoped.
Because brain fog and eye strain are real to me, I try to keep myself balanced within my limitations and look out for signs that I’m over-exerting myself. Otherwise, I’ll end out regretting it the following day.
Here’s a basic rundown
of my schedule on a good day:
10 AM to 12 PM – Writing or editing
12 PM to 1 PM – break for lunch
1 PM to 3 PM – Writing or editing
Being able to write as I do is a privilege that I don’t squander. If you have 12 hours to spare or only ten minutes a day, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that you show up to do it. And don’t berate yourself if you’re not making the most out of each minute.
Coming up, I’ll dive into the age-old question: does the plot come first, or is it the characters?
Until next time,
Sarah
P. S. If you want to see for yourself what books I have to offer, find your FREE copies at your favorite retailer.
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“No matter how far I go,
there’s one thing I cannot escape.
You. And it was never you
I was running from.”
No matter how far I go, there’s one thing I cannot escape. Your voice, calling me home. Your face, pleading for me to stop running. You. The memories of you, how they flood my mind and remind me of everything I have left behind. It’s the worst decision I ever made, to run from you and the reality of what came to pass. But I was strong enough to admit to myself that I couldn’t handle the pain. And I was drowning in it. These bones of mine cannot outrun the truth. Sooner or later even the distance wouldn’t be enough.
© Sarah Doughty
One way or another,
I would have to
face the truth
and that thought
terrified me.
“I know you’re right.
We are wrong for each other.
But here’s the thing:
I’m in love with you.”
I listened to you tell me over and over again about how wrong we were for each other. About you and your future not mixing with mine. On some days we were like magnets, drawn together by our very nature. But on others, we were opposing particles, pushing one another away. I fought with you like it was the most important fight we would ever have — with so much passion and determination. Yet I barely registered on your radar. Like I was nothing more than a pesky fly buzzing around your head. And how could I forget the insults you threw my way, like it was both your weapon and your armor?
I know you’re right. We are wrong for each other. But here’s the thing: I’m in love with you anyway. And I’d rather spend my days fighting you, than spend another day without you.
© Sarah Doughty
2018
Anything is better with you involved.
Sometimes I wonder what would have been different if things with my husband went differently. This is how I imagined it would happen.
“And I know that I’ll find you if I keep looking.
Because home is wherever you are.”
I sit here in this silence and all I have to keep me company is the moon. Though the crescent doesn’t cast enough light for me to see the world around me, I don’t feel so alone. And I suppose that’s the point. I’m never alone. No one is ever alone as long as they have their thoughts and something to guide their way home. And I know then that I’ll find you if I keep looking. Because home is wherever you are.
© Sarah Doughty
Because home is wherever you are.
“Oh, you beautiful soul, don’t let the world decide your fate.
You can be and do whatever your heart can dream.”
Oh, you beautiful soul, don’t let the world decide your fate. You don’t have to be exposed out in the sun if you want to come alive in the dark. You don’t have to follow your mind if your heart demands to be heard. Choose for yourself if you want to explore off the trail, just don’t forget the compass to bring you home. You can be and do whatever your heart can dream, just remember that at the end of the day, it’s important to be. Truly. You.
© Sarah Doughty
Dare to dream, but don’t forget who you are.
“The worst thing you can do
to a victim of abuse is to tell them
how they’ve failed.”
Sometimes I wonder what happened to human decency. Or maybe it was a fictional, utopian belief that it once existed. Humility as a lost art. Empathy no more than myth. Especially when it comes to victims of abuse, society fails to understand them. Where they have learned the hard way what it means to be stripped of all their power — the power to speak, to fight back, to own anything or act on something — they are broken vessels of their former selves. So when they are finally free and have the opportunity to rebuild their lives, understand that this is a critical time for them. They need support. They need to feel like they matter. That what they feel or say matters. Not to repeat the same horrors. So tell a survivor how strong they are. Tell them they are important. Lift them up. And never tear them down.
The worst thing you can do to a victim of abuse is to tell them how they’ve failed.
© Sarah Doughty
2018
Try telling them what makes them strong.
What they’ve accomplished.
Tell them some more
about how amazing they are.
“It wasn’t the earth keeping
me grounded. It was you.
I just wish I realized it sooner.”
It felt like floating in space, living without you. I never realized I needed gravity until you showed up in my life and made me feel like I belonged with my feet planted and you there by my side. It wasn’t the earth keeping me grounded. It was you all along. I just wish I realized it sooner. And for that, I will always be sorry.
© Sarah Doughty
2018
You deserve far more credit
than you were ever given.
Heartstring Eulogies 