Poetry, Random Thoughts

Pretty Lights

“Don’t put dangerous things under
a pretty light and call them beautiful.”

If fiction is truth disguised in a lie, then poetry is the same, on a much smaller scale. But there should be a line no one crosses. If you don’t have intimate knowledge of something, don’t write about it. Don’t tell lies as truths. And don’t romanticize something dangerous. Ever. Especially if you know little or nothing about it. It’s not only irresponsible, but it’s reckless and could cost lives. Be careful what you put out into the world. You never know what your words will do to someone.

© Sarah Doughty

Self-harm might be better than suicide,
but it’s still incredibly dangerous
and needs to be treated
by a licensed professional.

Advertisements
Poetry

Set Aglow

“I am never lost in the dark. I am light.
And when I find myself in your arms,
I shine my brightest.”

It’s late at night when I feel this ache the most. It gnaws away at me, leaving me with a sense of rawness. Like my nerves are stripprd and everything hurts. It’s more than loneliness. It’s more than sadness. It’s a dark, cold and deep chasm, where I am its only occupant.

But, at the same time, it’s a longing. A need. Deep within, down into my bones. I can feel it crawling around me. And it whispers. At first I don’t know what I’m hearing. As the moments go by, it grows louder and louder until the silence is so deafening, I can’t bear it any longer.

So I remind myself, I am never lost in the dark. Because the stars are reflecting against my eyes and the moon is setting everything aglow. That’s when I find myself again — I am light. I am warmth. And when I find myself in your arms, I shine my brightest. That’s how I know I’m right where I belong.

© Sarah Doughty

You help me see the light.

Poetry

The Spirit

“You were everything I ever hoped to love.
Everywhere I ever wanted to be.”

That’s where you’re wrong, love. All I have is you. All I ever needed was you. Even on the darkest of days, I knew you were walking with me. I knew you were going to be there when I needed you. Because you were everywhere I ever wanted to be.

I knew you were in the wind, carrying my across the sky and through the trees. I knew you were in the ground, helping the most beautiful flowers grow. Helping to remind me of your presence. I felt you in the rain and no matter how cold the droplets were, infelt warmth. Yours. And I knew you were in the flames. If I looked close enough, I could see you dancing there, to a tune I couldn’t hear beneath the crackling of the wood.

So you see, all I ever wanted was you. All I ever wanted was to be yours. You were everything I ever hoped to love. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for sharing your light with me. Through the sun. Through the moon. Through the stars. Thank you for teaching me how to live again. Thank you for helping me understand what it means to be here and now. For helping me learn to be.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for you.

In my upcoming poetry book, Universal Echoes, I delve into the four basic elements — Earth, Fire, Water, & Air — and the Spirit, which connects them all together.

The Spirit is associated with all things — everything and nothing, across time and space, even through other dimensions — that holds everything together. The Connceting (the section on Spirit), focuses on these connections, making up this complexity known as life.

Random Thoughts, Updates

Saving Her

A few days ago, I wrote about something very important to me. How she’s helped me over the years. I thought it was fitting to share actual photos and a little history about her. To celebrate her life, as she was then, and how she is now. Before it ends.

Lovelies, meet Pumpkin.

This was taken shortly after she was rescued, and she’d put on the much-needed thirty pounds of weight. Looking back, I can almost see the gratitude in her eyes for giving her a new chance at life. From the first day, she was always by my side….

And from the first moment she met this little boy several years later, she was smitten. Anytime he cried, she was there to soothe him. Her favorite moments were the ones like these….

Ever since, she has taken care of him, just as she has done for me. My family has been lucky to have her in our lives for over twelve years. The only problem is that we don’t know how much time is left. I see the clouds in her eyes and how stiff she feels when the weather changes or the temperatures are too cool. But, despite all that, she never stops taking care of us.

Every day, she leaves me
with this question:
Who saved whom?

© Sarah Doughty

Poetry, Updates

Sharp

“When I awoke from the nightmare,
I reminded myself that I was alive.”

The blade cut into the night and flashed silver against the moonlight. And even though my ears heard no sounds but the thundering of my heart, I swore I could hear the sharp metal singing its high-pitched tune as it sliced through the air. It slipped through my skin like it was warm butter and at first I felt nothing. I wondered if maybe it was shock or disbelief. But then the pain started. Like someone injected gasoline into my bloodstream and lit a match. I watched as the thick, red liquid poured out of the fresh wound and begged for death. And as he stood over me, he licked my blood from his dagger and smiled down at me in a show of blood-stained teeth — right before everything went black.

When I awoke from the nightmare, I reminded myself that I was alive and the true face behind my fears liked it when I called him Daddy. The only comfort I found was knowing that death came for him first. Too bad he didn’t take the memories with him.

© Sarah Doughty

This was written as part of
a much larger collaboration called Sharp
with Sudden Denouement‘s Weyward Sisters,
nine other extremely talented writers.
As always, it was a pleasure writing with them.

Poetry, Updates

Reconciliation

“My love, all I want and need is you.
It’s always been you.”

Maybe that’s what I can’t reconcile. What I want and what I need. You. You see, I want you to be by my side. I want you to love me, unequivocally, just as I love you. I want you to grow old with me, and fall more in love with me every day as I do for you. I want you with me, happy, content, and fulfilled. What I want is you. All of you. For always….

© Sarah Doughty

Read the rest of this piece
at Sudden Denouement.
As always, many thanks
to the wonderful people
there for all their kindness
and support.

Poetry

Saving You

“Darling, the irony is that
you think I saved you.”

Sometimes I’m okay. Sometimes, I don’t think about what’s changed. I don’t think about the things that broke me. The things that tore me down. And sometimes the light is too bright for those demons to creep around the edges of the darkness and whisper horrible things to me.

But then all of a sudden, it stops. I can’t breathe. My heart begins to race. My knees are weak and I can’t help but shake all over. It feels like I’m drowning. And then, I’m gone. I become someone else. I lose myself for a time. Somewhere, along the way, I forget how to breathe in. The process that is always so automatic is lost to me for a time. I can’t inhale. I can’t let all the air out of my lungs. It’s like my body forgets everything. For a time.

I always come back though. I can suddenly breathe again. And oxygen races through my bloodstream like battery acid. So, maybe that’s what I fear so much. I never know when I’ll go away, or how long it’ll be until I’ll come back. But I do know one thing. You help me stay me. For longer. You help me find myself faster.

You are my life preserver, darling. I don’t know if you’re even aware of how much you’ve saved me over the years.

The funny thing is, you think I saved you.

© Sarah Doughty

For Pumpkin, one of the greatest dogs
I’ve ever loved. She’s always there
when I need her and it breaks
my heart watching her grow older.
Slower. I know her days are numbered.
And I fear when that hourglass runs out of sand.
But until then, I’ll keep loving her
just as fiercely as she loves me.

Poetry

Letting You Go

“And my love, I don’t want to let you go.
It’s killing me just thinking about it.”

Sometimes I wonder if you’re nearby, watching me. I wonder if you’re concerned. I wonder if you’re happy. I wonder. But I can’t live like this any longer. I can’t keep thinking about what could have been if things were different. It’s not allowing me to move forward. It’s got me stalled. And my love, I don’t want to let you go. I don’t. It’s killing me just thinking about it. But I’m too weak to keep sitting up late at night aching for you. So maybe, if you’re there, tell me it’s okay to go on. Tell me it’s okay to let you go. Even if I can’t hear you, maybe, in some small part of me, I’ll feel that it’s okay. Maybe, that’ll be enough.

© Sarah Doughty

Maybe, that’ll be enough.

Poetry

Shining Through

“I was made to rise above your labels.
Because like the sun, I was always
meant to shine through the dark.”

Savages. That’s what I call them. The ones that believe they can do anything and no one can stop them. The ones that think they have power. They are the ones that cause havoc. They try to break us, just for the pleasure of knowing they can.

But we are too strong for that. We were made to rise above them. Because the sun needs a place to shine through their darkness.

Maybe that’s why, deep down, they fear us. Maybe, that’s why they want to dominate us.

Maybe, that’s why they like to put labels on us. To make them feel superior.

Let them. We know where the power really is. And they can never take it from us.

We are made of survival.

© Sarah Doughty

Maybe that’s why
they label us as witches.

 

Special thanks to Blood Into Ink
and Whisper And The Roar
for also publishing this piece
(here and here)
and giving my words
another place to rest.

Poetry

Hurt

“Though I am hurt, I can survive this.
I know I can.”

I’m hurt, darling. And I think what hurts the most is that, at some point, you stopped caring about me. Maybe it was distance. Maybe it was the time. Maybe it was me that finally pushed you away. And you let me. Though I am hurt, I can survive this. I know I can. It’s just going to take me a little time to figure out how.

© Sarah Doughty

I will survive this, too.