Poetry

Bonds

“But I do know this: I am grateful for
the time we shared, and the bond between us.”

What were the odds of us, I wonder? Were we ever meant to be? Or were we nothing more than two souls passing by on our own paths, crossing for a short period of time? I often ask myself what could have been different if our lives took different turns. Would we have still found each other? Would our fates have been more than a fleeting moment, but a lifetime?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to answer those questions, but I do know that I am grateful for the time we shared — the connection that still binds us through our memories and our souls.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I will always be grateful for you.

Poetry

A New Day

“Living — even when there’s nothing but misery
— is so much better than being numb.”

It felt like floating in space, somewhere between awake and dreaming. It was an infinite oblivion of nothing. There was no pain. No suffering. No love. And no joy. It invited me in with a warm embrace, and for an instant I wanted to get lost there. In that place of nothingness. But then something warned me in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t give in. Living — even when there’s pain, misery, and heartache — is so much better than being numb and unplugged from reality. I gave myself a moment to bask in that space, and then opened my eyes to face a new day.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s only matter of time before
it all starts again.

Poetry

At Dusk

“This is what it feels like to have your heart broken.
This is what it feels like without you.”

I felt the weaknesses like a deep ache, but I refused to acknowledge them. And then the day I felt my heart break in half, my entire world ended. Everything was the same, yet I could sense deeper — beneath the surface — the tides were shifting, the sky was dim, and the stars even refused to shine. Like I was trapped in a permanent dusk with no other souls in sight. I cried into that new expanse, hoping something would answer. But the only thing I heard was silence.

This is what it feels like to have your heart broken. This is what it feels like without you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s quite lonely when you
find yourself on the outside
of a breaking relationship —
be it a friend, a significant other,
a soulmate.

Poetry

The Real You

“My soul feels twisted around, making me
wonder if my heart ever really knew you.”

I thought I knew you like I knew myself. Like my soul is entwined with yours in a cosmic knot. I thought I could read your face like my favorite book. The one with the worn edges, coffee and tear stains. The one I always have handy. But these days, the language and syntax have changed to something I don’t recognize. Even my soul feels twisted around, making me wonder if my heart ever really knew you. The real you. And what hurts the most is that I’m afraid with each passing day that everything was a lie.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I can’t help but wonder
if my language changed,
or my ability to understand the words.

Unfortunately, some friends
can turn into something
we don’t recognize.

Poetry, Random Thoughts

Shadows Fall

“No matter how many hits I receive,
I have the comfort of knowing who I am
and what I’ve overcome.”

No, this life of mine has never been easy. It seems as though I’ve been fighting some kind of war during every stage. A fight to survive. A fight to fit in. Make friends, not acquaintances of convenience. Try to live a life that had some sort of meaning after everything that happened. But school didn’t make that easy. It felt like an uphill battle and I was a well-tuned wheel, ready to roll down to the bottom with an unceremonious splat. I kept getting up. Kept trying. After all, I’d survived worse. So I pressed on and realized the bottom of that hill became a chasm. One that awaited to swallow me whole and devour me in the next instant. A place where shadows fall and never retreat.

But I’ve come to the realization that this life is what you make of it. No matter how many punches or kicks I receive, I have the comfort of knowing who I am and what I’ve overcome. This life of mine was never a competition, except the ones I set for myself. And to the ones that have thrown hits of their own, I hope you find peace within yourself. I’ve never been a competitor and I never will be. I’ve never been an enemy, except the one created in your head. I’ve never been more than an easy mark to trample over when the time was right. And I suppose that fault is mine to bear for putting that welcome mat on my revolving door.

© Sarah Doughty

I repeat, this life of mine
was never a competition,
except the ones
I set for myself.

While this came pouring out of me this morning, I realized I had a lot of feelings about this that needed to come out. So consider it more of an essay about one aspect of my current situation.

This was written for day fourteen
of November Notes.
Shadows Fall by Random Forest

Poetry

Live Your Life

“This is your life. Live it the best you can.”

Living isn’t easy. Staying alive is harder. All you can do is follow your instincts and keep going forward, hoping you’ve done the right thing. But more than that, life is about growing and learning. It’s okay to change your mind if you have new insight. It’s okay to form your own opinions and offer advice. Just don’t expect anyone to follow them. This is your life. Live it as best as you can.

© Sarah Doughty

You only get one chance.

This was written for day thirteen
of November Notes.
Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
by Baz Luhrmann, Quintin Tarver, Josh Abrams

Poetry

Feeling You

“It’s okay. It’s okay to feel.
And you don’t ever have to hide.
Because I feel you too.”

In the echoing of the night, I feel you the most. I can feel those salty tears falling from your cheeks. I hear the hitch in your breath as you try not to sob. And I can feel you on those nights you are filled with elation. Love. And everything in between. I feel you. In the echoing of the night, I feel the words in your heart. I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel sad. To feel happy. To be. You don’t ever have to hide. You don’t have to be anything you’re not. Because I feel you too.

© Sarah Doughty

I feel you. And it’s okay.

This was written for day twelve
of November NotesNovember Notes.
Empathy by Audiomachine

Poetry

The Compass

“Don’t you know? I’ve always needed you.
That is how I knew my home
was never a place. It was a person.”

You are my compass. My home. My everything. I just didn’t know how much I needed you until you were right there in front of me. I’ve always needed you. And even in those first moments I saw you, I knew you were going to steal my heart. Somehow, out of billions of other souls on this earth, I would know yours apart from all the rest. That is how I knew my home was never a place. It was a person.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

You are my home.

Poetry

Open Eyes

“Because through you, I learned what it means
to love myself, and how I’m worth living.”

My eyes are open now. And I see the world in Technicolor. It’s not the same monochromatic, muted tones that overshadowed my existence for as long as I can remember. It’s like a veil was lifted. You. You taught me what it means to love and be loved, not used and abused. You taught me the difference between a loving hand and a fist of hate. You gave me the courage to face my demons. And though they are immortal, I have the strength to keep fighting. Because through you, I learned what it means to love myself, and how I’m worth it. I’m worth living. I’m worth being loved. I am. And I always will be.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I’m worth it.
And so are you.

Poetry

As I Am

“You loved me despite this darkness.
You loved me as I am.”

In this heart of mine, there are shadows that swallow the light. There are memories shrouded in scars and emotions drowning in blood. But you loved me despite these things. Or maybe, you loved me because of them. Just as I am, you loved me. Either way, I’m glad I’m not the only one traversing the dark. I’m glad I’m not the only one with a heart full of love.

© Sarah Doughty

That far outweighs anything else I’ve ever experienced.

This was written for day eleven
of November Notes.
Heart Of The Darkness by Tommee Proffitt