Poetry

In Need

“This need I have for you, it echoes,
like your lungs, when you need air.”

I watch as the moon creeps up into the night sky and I begin to wonder if you’re feeling this same sense of longing as me. I’m wondering if you feel this pull too. You know the one. Where it feels like the only thing you want in this very moment is to be in the arms of your beloved. But it’s more than a want. It’s a need, deep in the marrow in your bones. It echoes, like your lungs, when you need air. So tell me, my love. Do you feel it too? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Like it’s an open wound and the only thing that can heal it is these hands of mine?

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Sometimes I wonder,
but deep down, somehow,
I already know the answer.
It lingers on the tip
of your tongue,
just as it does mine.

Yes.

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Poetry

Solid Ground

“Oh, but darling, my feet know
where to take me. Back in your arms.
Right where I’m supposed to be.”

This is the point where I take a step back. Assess the situation from every angle, every point of view. This is where my mind goes when it’s running like a merry-go-round on overdrive. This is where my heart stalls in the middle of its pitter-patter beat. Where my eyes begin to fill with rain — enough to fill an ocean of salty tears. Where my knees begin to give out and I come crashing down to the ground. Back to reality. A reality I don’t want to know. One that is filled with monsters and ghosts, and their only purpose is to haunt me from the shadows. And I can feel them watching me, like ants crawling over my skin. This is the point where I stop and remind myself to breathe. This is where I remind myself that I’m not stuck in a maze, constantly searching for an exit. I just have to trust that my feet know where to take me. And that’s when my spine straightens, and before I know it, I’m back in your arms. Right where I’m supposed to be.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Because you are home.

Poetry

So I Can Breathe

“Please, just hold me and love me
and help me let all this darkness go.
So I can breathe.”

These thoughts of mine, darling, they sway to an unheard melody. And, when I think nobody’s looking, I let my body follow along. Those rare moments, when I let them come and go, swaying by with the music are rare, but they’re also beautiful. That’s when I’m not hindered by the darkness that constantly holds me in its grip. That’s when I’m free. That’s when I can finally breathe. In and out. Without the shakiness — the trembling in my bones that reverberate through me. You see, darling, these moments are only possible when you’re with me. So please, don’t ever stop showing me that it’s okay to let my thoughts go and dance on their graves as they fade away. Don’t ever stop loving me. Don’t ever stop this music. Don’t ever stop dancing with me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Just hold me
and love me
and help me let
all this darkness go.
So I can breathe.

Poetry

Doubts Fading

“And this is the moment when doubt fades.
The moment when you hold me in your arms.”

And this is the moment when doubt flies out the window like a lost butterfly. The moment when you scoop me into your arms and all my fears fade away into nothingness. This is home. This is right where I belong. With you. So please tell me you’ll always be the shoulder I need. The heart I love. And the mind I can’t help but feel lucky to know.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Because it’s as if you were
built just for me.

Poetry

Times Of Desperation

“I need you more than anything.
But I’m too scared to admit
my desperation for you.”

I can feel you everywhere around me like a fog in the night. Creeping along the dew-kissed grass. I can hear you whispering through the trees. And it sounds as if they’re trying to whisper right back at you. I want to call out your name. Reach into the darkness for your hand. Because I need you more in this moment than I’ve ever needed anything in my life before. But I’m too scared to admit to myself that I’m desperate for you. Like I’m freezing and you’re the warmth that will soothe my aching bones. Maybe, if I’m brave enough to let your name escape my lips, that will break the spell and bring you back to me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Because now, without you,
all I feel is lost.
And lost is a barren
wasteland of ice and snow.

Poetry

The Peace

“Peace is wherever I am with you.
Because that’s what I feel when I see you.”

There’s something about the dark of night. With no clouds in the sky. Nothing between you but where the edge of the horizon meets the starlit sky. It’s a feeling of going home, where there’s nothing more than acceptance. An infinity of possibilities embracing you as you are. Here and now. And there’s nothing else that matters. That’s the power of peace. That’s the power of determination. The will to go on. So whenever you feel lost, just look up at the sky and remember that nothing is set in stone.

It’s unlike any other feeling in the world. I know, because that’s what I feel when I see you and the galaxies that glitter in your eyes.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I know,
because that’s what I feel
when I see you.

Poetry

All The Parts

“And I remember. You knew what you wanted.
Good and bad, you wanted me.
All the parts of me.”

And I remember. I remember the way you looked at me that first time. The way you seemed to get lost in my eyes. The way you could see beyond everything I was and into the darkness. I suppose that’s what I felt in that moment, as my heart refused to beat and the air that remained in my lungs began to burn. I was afraid of what you would find in those depths. I was afraid you’d see those broken parts of me and decide I wasn’t worth the trouble. But that didn’t happen. You just looked and watched, and took it all in like it was the most precious thing you’d ever seen. At long last, when those few seconds that felt like an eternity ended, your steadfast determination never faltered. You knew what you wanted. Good and bad, you wanted me. All the parts of me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I still remember
how that moment felt.
And I remember how I was
both elated and terrified
at the same time.
Thank you for choosing me
— all of me.

Poetry

Maybes

“Maybe the love I felt wouldn’t be
everything I hoped for. And maybe,
the one was still out there,
searching for me too.”

It was the waiting. It was the unknowing. It was the uncertainty of my own heart that let the doubts creep in without me even realizing they’d taken root. You see, I knew my own heart. And I knew what I wanted — you. But somewhere along the way I began to question my resolve. Was I really so sure? Did I truly know my heart would find no one else? That was what kept me up, late at night, thinking about all I’d lose if I finally believed those doubts were truths. And somewhere along the way, they sank into my soul and whispered as they bloomed. Maybe the love I felt right in front of me wouldn’t be everything I hoped it would become. Maybe, the one was still out there, searching for me too.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And that’s what breaks
my heart every time
I think of you.

Poetry

Forever With You

“And I wonder what forever
will feel like in your arms.”

Forever feels like home with you. That is, if you are with me until the end of time. These are the kinds of things that run through my head when I’m surrounded by silence. I wonder about you. About us. About the future. And I wonder what forever will feel like in your arms.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Will you hold me
until the end comes?

Poetry

All I Have Of Us

“Until my last breath, I’m going to fight
for what we were, what we are,
and what we could be.”

All I have of us are tiny grains of sand. One brush of your fingers on my cheek here. One gentle kiss — warm, soft lips against mine there. A laugh here, a cry there. Those grains were us. All that we were. All that we could be. And as I feel those grains slipping between my fingers, I feel us disappearing with them. I feel those moments slipping away. I’m faced with an age-old question — do I fight? To keep you mine. In my arms. In my life. Or, do I let you slip away, right along with the sand?

I choose to fight. Until my last breath — or you tell me it’s over — I’m going to fight for what we were, what we are, and what we could be. I’m going to crystallize that sand into glass so we’ll be one for all time. Because that’s all I have left. And you’re worth the fight. You’re worth all of it.

All I have is us.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

You’re all I have left.
And you’re worth the fight.