Learning To Be

“You see, I survived before you.
I can certainly survive without you.”

I tried so hard not to let you in, but you found a way through one of the fault lines in my walls. For a while, I thought it was going to be okay. But then you slipped out before I could even plead for you to stay. Looking back, I see the signs. I see how infectious you were. I see how you blinded me with sugar-coated half-truths. But I also feel that emptiness you left behind. I’m not perfect. Far from it. But if you didn’t build us atop eggshells disguised as a foundation, we couldn’t have broken so easily. You see, I survived before you. I can certainly survive without you. I just need to relearn how.

© Sarah Doughty

Perhaps, surviving is overrated.

Set On Fire

“I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.
But you set something on fire within me.”

I admit it. You caught my attention before we even met. When I saw you standing there, it was like my whole world went silent. And I took my time. Taking in every line on your face. The way your hair moved in the breeze. The way you stood, confident and sure. That moment, it was something I’d never experienced before. The seconds stretched on just so I could see you a little longer. And I knew that moment would end. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. But you set something on fire within me I never expected.

You brought me to life.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It was then I woke up.

Though this isn’t an excerpt from Just Breathe,
this encompasses those first moments
my two main characters experienced
from Aisling’s perspective.
I will always love them.

Impossibilities

“They may not deserve forgiveness, but we
may need to give it in order to heal.”

I’ve been told time and time again that in order to heal, you have to forgive. For the longest time, I’ve been trying to figure out if such a thing is even possible. To truly forgive someone that took so much of you for so long. They may not deserve forgiveness, but our hearts may need to give it in order to heal right. So, if that’s true, and we can’t forgive, even for our own sake, does that mean we are the damaged goods everyone believe us to be, or does it make us human? Flawed?

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s okay to take your time
to heal and forgive.

The Way You Love Me

“Darling, I love the way you love me.
You’re my best friend before anything else.”

Sometimes I feel like my world is spinning out of control. But when I hear your heartbeat, everything slows down. And it is then that I can breathe again. Maybe that’s why you think I love you, but it’s not true. To be honest, I love you for so much more than that. I love that you’re kind. That you’re gentle and loving. I love that part of you that stops to admire the sun hitting my face on a clear spring day. The way the candle’s shadows dance against your eyes when you gaze at me. Devouring me with one look. I love the way you’ll drop everything when I’m upset and how you’ll just sit in silence and wait for me to speak if I decide to say anything at all. I love how you’re my best friend first before anything else.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It just reinforces
that loving you was right.

Haunt Me

“Though it hurts like hell, I cannot get enough.
So please, haunt me until the day I die.”

I feel you in everything I do. You’re in the grass beneath my feet. I feel the ghost of your touch in the breeze as I catch your scent. You’re in every song I hear. Somehow, you’re still finding a way into my soul. Speaking to me in whispers. Letting me feel your hunger. And even though it hurts like hell, I cannot get enough. So please, haunt me until the day I die.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I don’t mind having
your ghost with me.

That Arrow

“You shot that arrow
and I was done. I loved you.”

You shot that arrow and I was done. You collided with my heart and I knew I’d never love anyone the way I loved you. It was like a spark, igniting me in open flame. I no longer needed the sun, because you were a source of light I never wanted to live without. But I never said I couldn’t live without it. I’m stronger than that.

© Sarah Doughty

Coexistence as equals
in this universe
is something I choose to do.

This was written for day nineteen
of November Notes.
Catch Fire by The Neon Lights

Awake At Night

“I remember. I remember
laying awake at night.
Waiting for you.”

I remember. I remember laying awake at night, watching my door. Listening for the low roar of the garage door. The scent of barely-cooked steak wafting up to my room. It was all a prelude to you ascending those stairs and turning the opposite direction down the hall. That’s when I know my time is up. My only question — in the unknown — was how much pain I would endure and how long my torture would last.

© Sarah Doughty

Long after you’re gone,
I’m still in that perpetual darkness,
wondering when my torment will end.

This was written for day eighteen
of November Notes.
Recreational by Aaron Krause

Silently Yours

“You see, I am more than
what you created. I am loved.”

I spent years becoming
the thing you wanted.
Conforming to your
every whim.
Trying to be
the good girl
you wanted me to be.
Silent.
Voiceless.
Yours.
And I’ve spent years
trying to unlearn
everything you ever
taught me.
You see, I am more
than what you created.
I’m more than you
wanted me to be.
I am loved.
Instead of keeping
me small and scared,
I’ve grown up.
And though I still
have a long way to go,
I am not your little girl.
I was never yours to keep.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I was never supposed to be
your victim.

These Walls

“And the longer I spend away from your touch,
the more I feel you slipping away.”

I’m sure these walls I’ve built aren’t what you had in mind when you and I became us. I’ve tried to understand the meaning behind them, but I’m at a loss. Why is it that I can’t kiss you? Why can I not hold your hand? Or, more simply, why can we not be close to one other. Enough to feel the body heat radiating between us? Why can I not tell my body to move an inch in your direction? You see, I’m trapped here. I’m cold without you. And the longer I spend away from your touch, the more I feel you slipping away.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It won’t be long before
you slip away entirely.

Loved Forever

“I just want you to know that I’ve loved
you for as long as I can remember.”

If you recall nothing else about this moment, know this: I just want you to know that I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I may not have known you all along, but it feels like my soul is finally complete. Like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle was finally put into place. I don’t know if you feel the same, but it doesn’t matter. I know my heart and it’s been branded with your name.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

And that’s not something
I could ever regret.