Forevermore

“There was one thing I knew
with certainty. I would forever
be powerless against you.”

The warm, spring nipped at my cheeks. Pricking like tiny knives peppering my flesh in quick succession. It’s the same feeling I have in your presence. It’s as if I’m caught in some spell, feeling your eyes linger upon my skin. I find myself craving more of that sensation. Almost as if it’s a drug and I’m a willing addict. There was one thing I knew with certainty. I would forever be powerless against you.

© Sarah Doughty

And I just couldn’t bring myself to care.

Exceptions

“And it’s here. In this place.
Where I feel you the most.”

And it’s here. In this place. Where I feel you the most. It’s in the grass. The leaves that kick up with the breeze that always seems to smell of you. The way the trees sway, as if they’re dancing to a tune I cannot hear. I long to hear that melody. I long to hear your voice once more. The way you used to speak to me. In those low, secretive ways that only you could master. Under the shade of the trees with the birds singing their songs and the sunbeams slipping between the cracks in the canopy. Together. Those are the moments I remember. And as I stand here alone, in this place we used to call ours, everything is the same as it was. Except for you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Except for you.

Inspired by the lovely @kkfosterlyrics.

Warnings

“These are warnings.
Cautionary shadows.
Urging me to watch my step
as the future draws near.”

Tombs beneath my feet echo through my bones. Taunting me. Through unseeing eyes, I feel their inhabitants moving, writhing around to some unheard tune. It nags at my subconscious, as if whispering a question in my ear so low that even I cannot hear it. And though I don’t understand what they’re trying to tell me, I feel their intentions nonetheless. They are warnings. Cautionary shadows. Urging me to watch my step as the future draws near.

© Sarah Doughty

Foreshadowing never felt
so harrowing.

This is what my dreams feel like sometimes. As I sense some impending danger, it manifests in strange ways. Probably to make sure I don’t forget that feeling when I am awake.

Your Darkness

“But I knew what would happen
if I let you in.
Your darkness would consume me.”

I noticed as your eyes lingered on me in the shadows. The way the light seemed to be devoured by them. How not even the stars in the night sky could make them sparkle. But that darkness didn’t deter me. I was already drawn to you. Twin black holes drawing me in. Like I could allow myself to get lost in those eyes and never worry about finding anything else ever again. And oh, how much I wanted to get lost in those eyes.

But I knew. I knew what would happen if I let you in. Your darkness would consume me.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I wasn’t sure I would mind.

Dreaming Reality

“Monsters slither in shadows.
Like wraiths passing between
light and darkness in nothing
more than a whisper.”

These nightmares taunt me in my sleep, threatening me even while I’m awake. It’s as if I’m in a perpetual state of fearful anticipation. That my reality will shift and the monsters will come alive. In sleep, they slither in shadows. Like wraiths passing between light and darkness in nothing more than a whisper. I’m powerless against them. All I can do is brace for the impact. And hope the dawn will come, forever separating dreams and reality.

© Sarah Doughty

All it takes is the will
to outlast them.

Love And Fear

“Maybe this is the end. The end of us.
And maybe, you won’t disagree.
That scares me the most.”

There’s always that voice in the back of my head, warning me of what may happen one day. The inevitable moment when we are no longer an us, but you and I. When we go our separate ways, alone. I wonder what that moment will feel like. And I try to prepare myself for it. Every day, I prepare myself for those moments to happen, and then the day passes and the fears begin all over again. And sometimes, when you look at me, I think to myself that maybe this is the end. The end of us. And maybe, you won’t disagree. Maybe those will be the words that leave your mouth. And that. That scares me the most.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Love is always stronger than fear.

My World

“Being with you — no matter
the time or place —
makes everything else worth it.”

When I woke up in the early morning light, I turned to see your sleeping face. The tiny smile quirking at the corner of your mouth made mine pull up in response. This. Mornings with blissful silence, before the day would begin. Brief instances of calm before reality takes over and chaos begins once more. Being with you — no matter the time or place — makes everything else worth it. Through life’s ups and downs, my world is better with you. I was reminded in that moment how fortunate I was, and I didn’t ever want it to end. But at the same time, I didn’t want to take anything for granted.

© Sarah Doughty

Any world is better with you.

Base Parts

“And this is why I believe
dreams can come true.
I found you.”

Maybe it’s naïve of me to think that my dreams began and ended with you. But when you break everything down into the base parts, all that remains is you. Without you, I couldn’t have fought my demons — waged an ongoing war against the darkness. Without you, this incredible soul we created never would have existed. And when I look into those sea-blue eyes, so full of intelligence, so full of life, I’m reminded of all that you are to me. So yes, my dreams begin and end with you. This is why I believe dreams can come true. Because I found you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Because I found you.

Please

“So please, hold me close
and make all this pain go away.”

This longing is becoming more than I can bear. I’m screaming on the inside at the top of my lungs and I’m certain even my eyes are vibrating from the force of it. But on the inside, I’m still. Silent. I’m putting forward a brave face. A mask no one even noticed I’m wearing. This was how I learned to survive. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to break out of this shell. I can’t bear to be so raw. So open. So vulnerable. I can’t seem to utter the words I long to speak the most. “I need you tonight.” So please, hear my call. Just this once. Hold me close and make all this heartache and pain go away. If only for a little while.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Can you hear me calling?

Storm Front

“Any storm he could muster
could never make me want
to be anywhere else but by his side.”

He reminded me of thunderous afternoon showers. The turbulent winds up in the stratosphere. The deadly mixture of warmth and cold, colliding together like rogue comments at night. I knew with resounding certainty that I would take every facet of him. The good, the bad. And everything in between. I would weather any storm or howling whirlwind he could muster and it could never make me want to be anywhere else but by his side.

© Sarah Doughty

If that’s not devotion,
I’m not sure what is.