Heaven And Hell

“Maybe I was meant to know hell
well before death could ever take me
to appreciate the heaven of your presence.”

Maybe I was always meant for war. A birthright no one could have predicted. Maybe I was meant to know hell well before death could ever take me. Perhaps it was to better appreciate the heaven I feel when I’m in your presence. You see, I know how to fight to survive. I know how to square my shoulders and bear arms for the ones that matter. Because, you see, that is what being human means. And I will always fight by your side. Or wage war when you cannot.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Maybe that’s why
death and I
have an accord.
I’ll never give up
until I’m ready.

This World

“Maybe we are old souls, you and I.
But that’s okay, I’ve only ever wanted you.”

Don’t you see? This is the world we live in now. A place where love only lasts for a fleeting moment, because nothing matters more than the discovery of a new body. Nothing matters more than the feeling of always being new. That rush of blood in the veins is addicting. Like the first drop of a roller coaster. It’s the exhilaration. The exploration. And then at the slightest hint of boredom, it’s time to move on. How did loving become this way? What happened to the late night talks? The laughs? The way it felt to be held by someone that cherished you for more than your body? How did everything become so complicated?

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Maybe we are
old souls,
you and I.
But that’s okay,
I’ve only ever
wanted you.

Pure Magic

“I’m the luckiest person alive.
Just to be in this moment with you.
Because you are pure magic.”

Can you feel this building within you, too? Like you’re heading the most beautiful melody for the first time. The way it makes you pause and just listen. Like you’re caught under a spell. That’s how I feel whenever I’m near you. That’s how it feels when your voice slides over my skin like silk. Tears fill my eyes and I can’t help but think I’m the luckiest person alive. Just to be in this moment with you. Words escape me, because how could they possibly describe how you make me feel. Or how my senses experience you. You are, without a doubt, a drug I am happily addicted to. So please, I beg you. Give me another hit of those sweet lips. Maybe then I’ll be fulfilled.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Or maybe I won’t.
And that’s okay too.

Come Down

“Darling, with you, I forget
what it means to breathe air.
I forget everything but you.”

This love I feel for you drips from my tongue like honey. These words spill from my lips like rain, warm and sweet. All this blood rushing through my veins boils over and turns my insides to steam. A heated anticipation of promises yet to be fulfilled. Of all those sinful things you’ll do after the sun goes down past the horizon and the moon rises into the night sky. That’s when I’ll begin to bloom like a flower. When it’s all building inside me, like everything is reaching its fever pitch. And all I want is to quench this thirst I have for you. All I want is you. Doing what you do to me, it’s like drowning in a sea of sharks. I forget what it means to breathe air. I forget everything but the sounds you make from my touch. And the sounds I cannot help but allow to erupt from my throat. I forget what it means to exist without you. Here with me. So tell me, my love, how does it feel for you? Are you spent and ready to come down? Or is this night merely beginning?

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Because I know
I’m only just beginning.

By Your Side

“And maybe I’ll remember
the good moments.
The ones spent by your side.”

And maybe, after all is said and done, I’ll finally reach the end. The end of this war. This lifetime of fighting for my own right to breathe. To push forward, no matter how hopeless my circumstances. And maybe, the day will come when I can drop these walls that surround me like a husk of a second skin. Meant to protect me from harm, yet never quite strong enough to make much of a difference. And maybe I’ll remember the good moments. The ones spent by your side. The times when I felt hope. Loved. And found. The firsts of everything we became. Those are the memories I want to hold onto. Those are the times I want to cherish. Because, darling, you were the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And you never stopped shining
your light for me.
So I won’t ever stop
until I leave all this mess
behind me.

Sirens At Sea

“Like a siren pulling me out to sea,
all I can do is hope that I’ll find
something beautiful. Hopeful.
Like you.”

I feel this residual memory tugging at the back of my mind like a bird trying to catch a worm after a mid-summer thunderstorm. It’s one of those knocking, ever-present forces that I’m unsure if I ever want to know. Like a stranger knocking at the door. You never know what you’ll find if you answer it. But yet, no matter how much I resist, it’s as if my feet are moving toward that door of their own accord. Like a siren is pulling me out to sea. All I can do is watch. And wait. And hope that what waits on the other side is something beautiful. Something that gives me hope. Like you.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Just like you.

Electrical Currents

“This power you give me.
Just from being in your presence.
It feels like electricity.”

This unsteady beating of my heart, can you hear it? This jagged breathing and shaking in my fingers, can you feel it? It’s like I’m stuck in a whirlwind with no chance of escape. But, you see, that’s the thing. I don’t want to. I want to stay right here. With you in my arms. Telling me that everything will be alright. Until the moment comes that the whirlwind has ceased and I have no recollection of when it happened. That’s the power you give me. Just from being in your presence. Just from sharing the same air. We become one. And the rest of the world falls away into a blissful oblivion.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

This is what it’s like
to be with you.

In Need

“This need I have for you, it echoes,
like your lungs, when you need air.”

I watch as the moon creeps up into the night sky and I begin to wonder if you’re feeling this same sense of longing as me. I’m wondering if you feel this pull too. You know the one. Where it feels like the only thing you want in this very moment is to be in the arms of your beloved. But it’s more than a want. It’s a need, deep in the marrow in your bones. It echoes, like your lungs, when you need air. So tell me, my love. Do you feel it too? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Like it’s an open wound and the only thing that can heal it is these hands of mine?

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Sometimes I wonder,
but deep down, somehow,
I already know the answer.
It lingers on the tip
of your tongue,
just as it does mine.

Yes.

Solid Ground

“Oh, but darling, my feet know
where to take me. Back in your arms.
Right where I’m supposed to be.”

This is the point where I take a step back. Assess the situation from every angle, every point of view. This is where my mind goes when it’s running like a merry-go-round on overdrive. This is where my heart stalls in the middle of its pitter-patter beat. Where my eyes begin to fill with rain — enough to fill an ocean of salty tears. Where my knees begin to give out and I come crashing down to the ground. Back to reality. A reality I don’t want to know. One that is filled with monsters and ghosts, and their only purpose is to haunt me from the shadows. And I can feel them watching me, like ants crawling over my skin. This is the point where I stop and remind myself to breathe. This is where I remind myself that I’m not stuck in a maze, constantly searching for an exit. I just have to trust that my feet know where to take me. And that’s when my spine straightens, and before I know it, I’m back in your arms. Right where I’m supposed to be.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Because you are home.

So I Can Breathe

“Please, just hold me and love me
and help me let all this darkness go.
So I can breathe.”

These thoughts of mine, darling, they sway to an unheard melody. And, when I think nobody’s looking, I let my body follow along. Those rare moments, when I let them come and go, swaying by with the music are rare, but they’re also beautiful. That’s when I’m not hindered by the darkness that constantly holds me in its grip. That’s when I’m free. That’s when I can finally breathe. In and out. Without the shakiness — the trembling in my bones that reverberate through me. You see, darling, these moments are only possible when you’re with me. So please, don’t ever stop showing me that it’s okay to let my thoughts go and dance on their graves as they fade away. Don’t ever stop loving me. Don’t ever stop this music. Don’t ever stop dancing with me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Just hold me
and love me
and help me let
all this darkness go.
So I can breathe.