Loved Forever

“I just want you to know that I’ve loved
you for as long as I can remember.”

If you recall nothing else about this moment, know this: I just want you to know that I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I may not have known you all along, but it feels like my soul is finally complete. Like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle was finally put into place. I don’t know if you feel the same, but it doesn’t matter. I know my heart and it’s been branded with your name.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

And that’s not something
I could ever regret.

Damsels

“And I’m sorry to tell you this,
but I’m no damsel in distress.”

Let me be clear, I didn’t need you to save me, but it would have been nice to have you there by my side. To know you’d be there regardless. But I guess the truth of the matter is that you couldn’t handle not being the hero. You never wanted a woman that could stand on her two feet without some assistance. And I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m no damsel in distress.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

All or nothing
isn’t the right attitude.

Until Morning Comes

“I watched you in the starlight,
and my heart leapt out of my chest.”

I watched you in the starlight, and my heart leapt out of my chest. Asking myself how I never saw such beauty before, I felt like I could see for the first time. In the shadows, your eyes glittered and the planes for your jaw were in Stark relief. You were mesmerizing and I never wanted to look away. Every time I see you in the night, I want to bask in your shadow until the morning comes.

© Sarah Doughty

So please, don’t let this night end.

Without you, I’m as cold as ice.

This was written for day sixteen
of November Notes.
Your Soul by Hippie Sabotage

The One For Me

“And out of everyone else in this world,
I know you’re the one for me.”

In moments like this, when we’re beneath the stars, looking at the same moon and mapping out the constellations, I’m reminded of you. Of us. I know, out of everyone else in this world, you understand me. You are the one that hears my voice. Not just my words, but everything in between. You hear the pauses, those moments when I’m most vulnerable. Those moments when I’m afraid about what the future will bring. But most of all, I wonder if you can hear how much I love you. And out of everyone else in this world, I know you’re the one for me.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

With my ribcage open,
my heart is yours.
Treat it well.

Cold As Ice

“Without you near me,
I’m bereft. Lost.”

Without you near me, I’m bereft. Lost. Standing in the midst of a winter storm. Old, forgotten leaves from autumn flying with the white flakes that swirl around me. I reach into the oblivion of white, hoping I will find you there. Near enough that your warmth would draw me in, like a moth to flame. But nothing responds. Only the howling of the frigid wind keeps me company. I am lost in this place. Without a compass nor a guiding light to point me to you. So I wait, calling your name into those whipping winds, hoping you’ll hear me and come find me.

© Sarah Doughty

I repeat, this life of mine
was never a competition,
except the ones
I set for myself.

Without you, I’m as cold as ice.

This was written for day fifteen
of November Notes.
Casualty by Hidden Citizens

Some Peace

“There are things I regret.
But I take peace knowing it was to survive.
A little agony was worth it.”

There are things I regret. In my heart, I feel the shards of each misdeed. I’m reminded of all the things I endured. All I did was just trying to survive. Like the night wrapped around me and took little pieces of my resolve until nothing but the pain remained. Those mistakes I made, I remember them like they happened yesterday, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for them. But I do take some peace in the fact that I did them to survive. And if it meant I needed to do them again, I would. Because I might see the morning light. And a little agony is worth it.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It it means you’ll survive,
it’s worth it.

Surviving

“I wanted you, but I could survive without you.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to.”

In that moment, it took every bit of strength I could muster to keep my distance from you. Because, god, I wanted you like nothing I’d ever felt before. The taste of you. The feel of you. I wanted you so much, it was a tangible ache deep in my bones. I could survive without you, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. And though I wasn’t sure, I knew if I tasted you, I’d never want anything else.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Self restraint is overrated anyway.

Bonds

“But I do know this: I am grateful for
the time we shared, and the bond between us.”

What were the odds of us, I wonder? Were we ever meant to be? Or were we nothing more than two souls passing by on our own paths, crossing for a short period of time? I often ask myself what could have been different if our lives took different turns. Would we have still found each other? Would our fates have been more than a fleeting moment, but a lifetime?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to answer those questions, but I do know that I am grateful for the time we shared — the connection that still binds us through our memories and our souls.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I will always be grateful for you.

A New Day

“Living — even when there’s nothing but misery
— is so much better than being numb.”

It felt like floating in space, somewhere between awake and dreaming. It was an infinite oblivion of nothing. There was no pain. No suffering. No love. And no joy. It invited me in with a warm embrace, and for an instant I wanted to get lost there. In that place of nothingness. But then something warned me in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t give in. Living — even when there’s pain, misery, and heartache — is so much better than being numb and unplugged from reality. I gave myself a moment to bask in that space, and then opened my eyes to face a new day.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s only matter of time before
it all starts again.

At Dusk

“This is what it feels like to have your heart broken.
This is what it feels like without you.”

I felt the weaknesses like a deep ache, but I refused to acknowledge them. And then the day I felt my heart break in half, my entire world ended. Everything was the same, yet I could sense deeper — beneath the surface — the tides were shifting, the sky was dim, and the stars even refused to shine. Like I was trapped in a permanent dusk with no other souls in sight. I cried into that new expanse, hoping something would answer. But the only thing I heard was silence.

This is what it feels like to have your heart broken. This is what it feels like without you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s quite lonely when you
find yourself on the outside
of a breaking relationship —
be it a friend, a significant other,
a soulmate.