Living Without You

“I ask the cosmos why you left me behind.
Why I’m left here to live on without you.”

So I sit in the dark, with fresh tears in my eyes, ready to salt the earth. I find myself angry, reminiscing all the things I took for granted. Or a ghost of a smile will flash across my face when I think of a time you took my breath away with amazement. I ask the cosmos why you left me behind. Why I’m left here to live on without you. Why your face is on every person I pass, and why I hear your whispers against my pillow at night. And I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes I feel so lost that I’d rather be gone, just like you. Just leave behind this foreign world I no longer wish to inhabit. Because then, I could find my way to you again.

© Sarah Doughty

Because then, I would be with you.

This is what came to me
after yet another nightmare.
This time, I watched as the light
faded from my son’s eyes.
I watched as his face relaxed
for the last time.
I woke up sobbing.
Because that is my worst fear.
And I wept while I wrote this.

This was part three
of a three-part series.
Read parts one and two.