Left In The Dark

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say
is that my world revolved around you.
And you left me in the dark.”

You were my moon. The light in my darkness. The thing that made my nights more bearable. But then you left, as if you were never there at all. Now, I’m left with an oblivion of perpetual night. And when the sun does finally rise in the morning, I won’t feel the warmth or register its luminance. Because all that time I spent in the night left me blind and unable to feel anything but you. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that my world revolved around you. And you left me in the dark. To say that I miss you and your light is an understatement.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

You were my moon,
but then you stopped shining.

Existence

“But I knew,
I would never be good enough
to deserve your love.”

You existed only
in my broken dreams.
The realm where
all my aspirations
went to die.
You were the one.
You always were.
I loved you with
everything I was,
and all that I am.
But I knew,
I would never
be good enough
to deserve your love.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I would ruin you.
And I couldn’t carry that weight
on my shoulders.

Behind The Mask

“I wanted to know the real you.
The one behind the mask.
And I couldn’t help myself.”

You were a mystery to me. A puzzle I couldn’t help but want to solve. And it called to me. Beckoned like a lost lover. I needed to know more. I needed to know the darkness that hid behind your eyes. The strength you carried in your shoulders, as if you knew how to carry the weight of the world with ease. I wanted to know the real you. The one behind the mask. The one that wanted to keep secrets. And I couldn’t help myself. Through the smoke and mirrors, I needed to know you.

© Sarah Doughty

Why is it that the riddles
are what pulls me in the most?

Our Chances

“I knew our chances.
And yet I still wanted you.
I still needed you.”

I knew our chances. I knew the stakes. How the odds were always working against us. How distance was more than just a physical obstacle. I knew that loving you would lead to a broken heart. But my walls crumbled down and I fell for you anyway. And I knew. I knew that you and I becoming us was nothing more than a dream — a want. A desire. I knew. And yet I still wanted you. I still needed you. To me, nothing else mattered.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I played the lottery
and I won the jackpot.

Freedoms

“All logic and reason escaped me.
Because all I wanted was you.
And I couldn’t bring myself to care.”

And I felt it in my bones. The beat of my heart matched the hammering of your footsteps on the cool concrete. And I listened to your soles crunching the gravel beneath them. In those moments, as you came towards me, I felt free. Open. Like nothing in the world could stop us. Like you were the only thing I would ever need. Like not even oxygen would sustain me. All logic and reason escaped me. Because all I wanted was you. And I couldn’t bring myself to care.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Loving you set me free.

Still In Love

“I just want you to know,
wherever you are,
a part of me still loves you.”

I just want you to know, wherever you are, my thoughts still drift to you. In the night, I sometimes find myself reaching out to you. And I can’t help but wonder if you’re doing the same thing. Sometimes, as if you are right next to me, I feel you. Like you’re a magnet. A compass, drawing me home. In some ways, I suppose you still are. Connected to me in spirit. Walking by my side. Looking up at the same moon. Feeling the same warmth in the summer night air. Laughing at each other’s jokes. Just enjoying the company of one another. There are moments, when I wonder about you. If you’re happy. If you think of me too. And, though our time ended so long ago, I remember you. I miss you. And god help me, but that part of me that knew you so well still loves you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Sometimes, when I dream,
it’s about a life without you in it.

Hopes And Losses

“For all that was lost,
and all she hopes to be,
she’s still fighting.”

For all that was lost, all that was found, and all she ever hopes to come, she knows how to live. How to survive. How to outlast her demons. How to thrive to the best of her ability. For everything she never had, for everything she will never have, and for what she has accomplished, she’s still grateful for all the strength she’s gained. She’s still fighting. She doesn’t know how to surrender. Because a warrior’s blood flows in her veins.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

She is me. She is you.
She is the part of us
that wants to keep breathing.
And she won’t go down
without a fight.

Landing

“I fell in love, but you didn’t love me back.
And I knew the fall would kill me.”

Standing at the edge of a cliff called Love is a scary place to be. It’s the knowing that you could fall at any second. And when you do, you don’t know what will be there when you land. If that love isn’t returned, what will you see waiting for you? Will you hit water? Fall into flame? And on the way down, you realize it doesn’t matter. Because the landing will probably kill you first.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Though falling in love with someone
that doesn’t love you back won’t kill you,
it hurts like hell. So be kind to yourself.
Pick yourself up and keep going.
The right one is out there waiting.

Currents

“When you swim in the waters
of true love, you will never drown.”

If this love is true, the ocean of her heart won’t let you drown. You won’t have to worry about sinking, or learning to swim when you’ve never needed to. That love, if you let it, will keep you afloat. And you will learn to swim with the current as if you’ve lived in the ocean your entire life.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Maybe that’s why
I love the water so much.

Inspired by the amazing
and talented @thangbalay.

One Thought

“And so it goes. My heart shattered
with one thought of you.”

And so it goes. My heart, once again, has shattered into a million pieces. Like a porcelain statuette, broken so many times over the years, that no matter how much glue you use, it will never quite look right again. This is how it feels when I think of you. Of what we had. And what we lost. This is how it feels to know there’s regret. That there was so much promise and possibility, yet in a blink of an eye, it was all gone. If I’m lucky, I’ll manage to not think of you for a few minutes. But then it’ll happen, and this pain will start all over again.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

And so it goes.