The Peace

“Peace is wherever I am with you.
Because that’s what I feel when I see you.”

There’s something about the dark of night. With no clouds in the sky. Nothing between you but where the edge of the horizon meets the starlit sky. It’s a feeling of going home, where there’s nothing more than acceptance. An infinity of possibilities embracing you as you are. Here and now. And there’s nothing else that matters. That’s the power of peace. That’s the power of determination. The will to go on. So whenever you feel lost, just look up at the sky and remember that nothing is set in stone.

It’s unlike any other feeling in the world. I know, because that’s what I feel when I see you and the galaxies that glitter in your eyes.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I know,
because that’s what I feel
when I see you.

All The Parts

“And I remember. You knew what you wanted.
Good and bad, you wanted me.
All the parts of me.”

And I remember. I remember the way you looked at me that first time. The way you seemed to get lost in my eyes. The way you could see beyond everything I was and into the darkness. I suppose that’s what I felt in that moment, as my heart refused to beat and the air that remained in my lungs began to burn. I was afraid of what you would find in those depths. I was afraid you’d see those broken parts of me and decide I wasn’t worth the trouble. But that didn’t happen. You just looked and watched, and took it all in like it was the most precious thing you’d ever seen. At long last, when those few seconds that felt like an eternity ended, your steadfast determination never faltered. You knew what you wanted. Good and bad, you wanted me. All the parts of me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I still remember
how that moment felt.
And I remember how I was
both elated and terrified
at the same time.
Thank you for choosing me
— all of me.

Maybes

“Maybe the love I felt wouldn’t be
everything I hoped for. And maybe,
the one was still out there,
searching for me too.”

It was the waiting. It was the unknowing. It was the uncertainty of my own heart that let the doubts creep in without me even realizing they’d taken root. You see, I knew my own heart. And I knew what I wanted — you. But somewhere along the way I began to question my resolve. Was I really so sure? Did I truly know my heart would find no one else? That was what kept me up, late at night, thinking about all I’d lose if I finally believed those doubts were truths. And somewhere along the way, they sank into my soul and whispered as they bloomed. Maybe the love I felt right in front of me wouldn’t be everything I hoped it would become. Maybe, the one was still out there, searching for me too.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And that’s what breaks
my heart every time
I think of you.

Forever With You

“And I wonder what forever
will feel like in your arms.”

Forever feels like home with you. That is, if you are with me until the end of time. These are the kinds of things that run through my head when I’m surrounded by silence. I wonder about you. About us. About the future. And I wonder what forever will feel like in your arms.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Will you hold me
until the end comes?

All I Have Of Us

“Until my last breath, I’m going to fight
for what we were, what we are,
and what we could be.”

All I have of us are tiny grains of sand. One brush of your fingers on my cheek here. One gentle kiss — warm, soft lips against mine there. A laugh here, a cry there. Those grains were us. All that we were. All that we could be. And as I feel those grains slipping between my fingers, I feel us disappearing with them. I feel those moments slipping away. I’m faced with an age-old question — do I fight? To keep you mine. In my arms. In my life. Or, do I let you slip away, right along with the sand?

I choose to fight. Until my last breath — or you tell me it’s over — I’m going to fight for what we were, what we are, and what we could be. I’m going to crystallize that sand into glass so we’ll be one for all time. Because that’s all I have left. And you’re worth the fight. You’re worth all of it.

All I have is us.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

You’re all I have left.
And you’re worth the fight.

The Last Seconds

“Sometimes, surviving is the hardest
part of living. Because I felt
my heart die with you.”

In the middle of all that chaos, my eyes locked with yours and I could see it in your eyes. That final acceptance that it was the last time we’d ever see each other again. And as I heard my name booming toward me from the distance, I knew there was no time to try to save you. Or to stay with you and say goodbye to our lives at the same time. Together. As we were always meant to be. But the choice was made for me when you turned your back and ran back into the fray, giving me those few precious seconds to get away. As much as it broke me in that moment, knowing it was your final wish for me to survive, I still hesitated. But the damage was already done. I watched as your lifeless body hit the ground for the last time. And I felt my heart die with you.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Sometimes, surviving is the hardest
part of living.

Inspired by the hero
of my next novel of the
Earthen Witch Universe series.

All I Am

“No matter what happens, know that
I’ve loved you with everything I am
and all I’ve ever been.”

It’s like looking through rose-colored glasses. Constantly wondering if this world we have built will come crashing down upon my head. It’s a fate I cannot bear to fathom. It’s a place, far darker than any hell I’ve ever traversed and come out the other side intact. You see, if our world does implode, this solid foundation of ours will turn into an icy slope and I will find myself falling into an oblivion of unknown. Where I will land, I don’t know. But I do know that my heart won’t be able to handle opening up again. It’s been through far too much to handle such great loss again.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

No matter what happens,
know that I’ve loved you
with everything I am
and all I’ve ever been.

Another Song

“So please, sing me another song.
Let me get lost in you.”

It was the way your voice varied on the wind. That mysterious timbre, sounding like it came from more than one person, singing in some strange harmony. It reminded me of wolves howling in the night and I felt a shiver travel down my spine. But it wasn’t from fear. It felt as though something deep within me awakened. And whatever part of me that was alive at last understood on some cellular level that your voice was the most beautiful thing is ever heard. I knew then. I’d never want to hear anything but the songs you could sing to me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

So please,
sing me another song.
Let me get lost
in you.

Love And Trust

“I fell for you without knowing I was
falling at all. And you were waiting
at the bottom to catch me.”

You see, darling, trust means everything to me. If I didn’t trust you, I would have kept you at arm’s length. I would have guarded my past tragedies. My heart’s desires. My dreams. My hopes for the future. But you see, somewhere in there, in the beginning, you knocked all my walls down without me even realizing I was surrounded by rubble. I trusted you without realizing it. I fell for you without knowing I was falling at all. And the best part, you were waiting at the bottom to catch me, and somehow I knew, I was safe with you the whole time.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

How did I get so lucky?

Getting Lost In You

“And this. This is a reality
I never wanted to know.
Tonight, let me get lost in you.”

Sometimes I think I’ve entered some kind of alternate reality. A place where hostility and open hatred, where intimidation and superiority reign. A place where history is attempting to repeat itself. A history I was fortunate not to know beyond books, television and history lessons. A history I hoped would stay in the past. But as a Hydra does, it has spawned anew — krept up like a fog in the night. And this. This is a reality I never wanted to know. I just wish I could get lost in you and forget what’s happening in the world around me.

Is that too much to ask? Just one day of peace, from fighting my own inner demons and constant pain. One day from the craziness outside these walls.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And then back to the fight
once more.