Maybes

“Maybe the love I felt wouldn’t be
everything I hoped for. And maybe,
the one was still out there,
searching for me too.”

It was the waiting. It was the unknowing. It was the uncertainty of my own heart that let the doubts creep in without me even realizing they’d taken root. You see, I knew my own heart. And I knew what I wanted — you. But somewhere along the way I began to question my resolve. Was I really so sure? Did I truly know my heart would find no one else? That was what kept me up, late at night, thinking about all I’d lose if I finally believed those doubts were truths. And somewhere along the way, they sank into my soul and whispered as they bloomed. Maybe the love I felt right in front of me wouldn’t be everything I hoped it would become. Maybe, the one was still out there, searching for me too.

© Sarah Doughty

And that’s what breaks
my heart every time
I think of you.

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Love And Trust

“I fell for you without knowing I was
falling at all. And you were waiting
at the bottom to catch me.”

You see, darling, trust means everything to me. If I didn’t trust you, I would have kept you at arm’s length. I would have guarded my past tragedies. My heart’s desires. My dreams. My hopes for the future. But you see, somewhere in there, in the beginning, you knocked all my walls down without me even realizing I was surrounded by rubble. I trusted you without realizing it. I fell for you without knowing I was falling at all. And the best part, you were waiting at the bottom to catch me, and somehow I knew, I was safe with you the whole time.

© Sarah Doughty

How did I get so lucky?

All I Am

“No matter what happens, know that
I’ve loved you with everything I am
and all I’ve ever been.”

It’s like looking through rose-colored glasses. Constantly wondering if this world we have built will come crashing down upon my head. It’s a fate I cannot bear to fathom. It’s a place, far darker than any hell I’ve ever traversed and come out the other side intact. You see, if our world does implode, this solid foundation of ours will turn into an icy slope and I will find myself falling into an oblivion of unknown. Where I will land, I don’t know. But I do know that my heart won’t be able to handle opening up again. It’s been through far too much to handle such great loss again.

© Sarah Doughty

No matter what happens,
know that I’ve loved you
with everything I am
and all I’ve ever been.

Another Song

“So please, sing me another song.
Let me get lost in you.”

It was the way your voice varied on the wind. That mysterious timbre, sounding like it came from more than one person, singing in some strange harmony. It reminded me of wolves howling in the night and I felt a shiver travel down my spine. But it wasn’t from fear. It felt as though something deep within me awakened. And whatever part of me that was alive at last understood on some cellular level that your voice was the most beautiful thing is ever heard. I knew then. I’d never want to hear anything but the songs you could sing to me.

© Sarah Doughty

So please,
sing me another song.
Let me get lost
in you.

Getting Lost In You

“And this. This is a reality
I never wanted to know.
Tonight, let me get lost in you.”

Sometimes I think I’ve entered some kind of alternate reality. A place where hostility and open hatred, where intimidation and superiority reign. A place where history is attempting to repeat itself. A history I was fortunate not to know beyond books, television and history lessons. A history I hoped would stay in the past. But as a Hydra does, it has spawned anew — krept up like a fog in the night. And this. This is a reality I never wanted to know. I just wish I could get lost in you and forget what’s happening in the world around me.

Is that too much to ask? Just one day of peace, from fighting my own inner demons and constant pain. One day from the craziness outside these walls.

© Sarah Doughty

And then back to the fight
once more.

Doubts

“Thank you for believing in me
when I was filled with
nothing but doubts.”

I still dream of you. The taste of it still lingers on my tongue like sugar. A constant reminder of all the lessons you taught me. And I’ve held on to the good ones. Remembering your smile and your laugh as if they’re happening right in this very moment in front of me. That is what I choose to keep with me. You were the best of everything I ever hoped to learn, and your lessons still resonate with me today.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for believing in me
when I was filled with
nothing but doubts.

Failing You

“I wanted to help you,
but I didn’t know what to do.
All I can say is that I tried my best.
Even though I failed you.”

And I see you drifting away. Like the well of hope you carried in your eyes drained out. Bit by bit, day after day. After every tear was shed, I could see it slipping away. I wanted nothing more than to help you, but I didn’t know what to do. All I can say is that I tried my best. To be a good friend. A confidant. Someone you could talk to — anytime — even if it was for nothing more than to listen. I thought, maybe, by being there for you, you’d refill that well. But here I am, and all I see in those eyes staring back at me is an empty shell of a person. A blank canvas. Something numbed over time. And I can’t help but blame myself for failing you.

© Sarah Doughty

Because that’s exactly
what I did.
I failed you.

Everything You Were

“And I hope you know that you are always
in my heart. I will never forget
everything you were to me.”

Late at night, I cannot help but wonder what you might think of the choices I have made. If you think I have actually lived as we once dreamed. If perhaps you think I have taken a wrong path along the way. But since I am now in a future you will never experience, I can rely on no one than myself and the memory of you to try to find my way through this unknown. I can only hope you can forgive me for trying. And I hope you know that I will always have a place for you in my heart and I will never forget everything you were to me.

© Sarah Doughty

Because you were everything
I ever hoped to love.

Inspired by the hero
of my next novel of the
Earthen Witch Universe series.

Alone In The Dark

“I find comfort in knowing I am not alone.
That no one is ever truly alone.”

Sometimes this pounding in my head is a neverending reminder of my resilience to push forward. Sometimes this searing light in pouring in my eyes is a continuous reminder of my place in the darkness. That the night is where I was forged and will forever be my home. I once thought it was a place I was destined to walk alone, but I’ve found along the way some kindred spirits that are just as suited for the night as I am.

© Sarah Doughty

And that is where
I find comfort
in knowing
I am not alone.
That no one
is ever
truly alone.

Wandering This Earth

“Without you, I wonder if I am destined
to wander this earth without
a true sense of direction or home.”

After all these countless nights without you by my side, I feel like I am sleep walking. Just wandering around without a destination. The memories of us haunt me everywhere I go, and I cannot help but wonder if I will always be haunted by the time we spent together. The time I was happy. And perhaps it is my curse. My reminder of the years I have lived. Knowing that the best of them are far behind me — while I am destined to wander this earth without a true sense of direction or a true feeling of home.

© Sarah Doughty

This is the price
of losing you.

Inspired by the hero
of my next novel of the
Earthen Witch Universe series.