Bitter Pill #1

“You see, you were my everything.
But I honestly don’t know what I was to you.”

Here I am again, picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Another harsh lesson I’m forced to swallow. You see, you were my everything. But I honestly don’t know what I was to you. A means to an end? A nobody that could take you somewhere? I’ve put together the pieces of this fragmented puzzle, and nothing fits together like it should. And that hurts more than I care to admit.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s not easy coming to terms
with the fact that you were
so eloquently deceived.

Inspired by the song
Medicine by Daughter. Read part two here.

Breathing Water

“When I was drowning,
I learned how to breathe water.
I learned how to breathe you.”

Life has never been easy.
But that’s part of the point.
There are so many things
worth living for, yet
there are also things
that can strip the air
right out of your lungs.
Blindside you out of nowhere.
And when I was drowning,
I learned how to breathe water.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I learned how to breathe you.

Dare To Live

“In order to live, you must
put one foot in front of the other,
and then do it all over again.”

After all that’s happened, I still have more to overcome. But I know I’ll make it. I have to. All it takes is getting out of bed every day, putting one foot in front of the other, and doing it all over again. It might seem impossible, but living is worth it.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Living is always worth it.

Change The Past

“Good or bad, my past
brought me to where I am.
I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

I used to think about what I would give to go back and rewrite history. But no matter what I dreamed up, I was still a powerless child with no means of escape. I was just too small and weak to fight back. But none of that really mattered when I came to the realization that my life wouldn’t be the same today had those things in my past not happened. I wouldn’t be who I am, let alone have everything I couldn’t live without today. So as much as it hurts to acknowledge that nothing was in my control, I don’t think I would have changed anything.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Good or bad, that’s something I have to live with.

Sight

“My love, I knew you were made from stardust,
but I didn’t realize you could hold
an entire universe in your eyes.”

When I look at you, I don’t see wonder in your gaze. I see the northern lights shimmering against the blue-tinged galaxy in your irises. It shimmers there, undulating with every breath you take. And I cannot help but to be captivated by it. I knew you were made from stardust, but I didn’t realize you could hold an entire universe in your eyes.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

It is undoubtedly
the most beautiful thing
I’ve ever seen.

Heartless

“And in the end, I don’t care
what became of you, my monster.
What matters is that you were gone.”

And in the end, I don’t care what became of you. What matters is that you were out of my life. You see, I don’t care that you suffered as a child, too. It was a choice to become a monster. Then to continue being one. So no, I don’t think I’m heartless for refusing to care what happened to you. I just wanted you out of my life for good.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I didn’t care how you left,
not even death,
as long as you stayed gone.

Loving Anyway

“But let me tell you this:
loving you wasn’t a choice.
It was inevitable.
And I loved you anyway.”

It didn’t matter to me
what anyone else thought.
It didn’t matter if you
were wrong for me.
I tried to listen
to those whispers,
knowing our odds.
But let me tell you this:
loving you wasn’t a choice.
It was inevitable.
And I loved you anyway.
We might end in heartbreak,
but I just can’t bring myself to care.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

And I don’t think I ever will.

Whispered Prayers

“As long as you’re with me,
I hold on to hope that
everything will be okay.”

By night’s dark embrace, I hold on
to hope with everything that’s left.

The night embraced me in her darkness, an embrace I never expected. An embrace that made me feel comforted. It was foreign, but oh so nice. And I felt that warmth every frightful night. Before the steps coming my way and the living nightmare that would come. The night held me in her embrace as I waited, and she continued to hold me until the pre-dawn light announced the start of a new day.

The night, in whatever form she takes, has been my constant. I am one with the night. With all her darkness, all her shimmering lights. Those glowing embers flickering off in the distance millions of miles away. Through every phase of the moon, and through every storm, she remains. And for as long as I live, I will continue to look upon her with fondness and comfort.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

This was written as part of a large collaboration of incredibly talented writers called Petitions.

The List

“My heart was never yours to darken,
but you tried your best.
Too bad it wasn’t enough.”

No matter how much I try to forget about you, you’re always there in the shadows. Like my own personal ghost. My demon from the past. I’ve come to accept that you’ll always be with me, and I don’t know if that realization is a relief, or yet another burden for me to bear. Either way, I’ll keep compiling a list of all the things I’ve overcome — all those things you told me I could never do. And until the day I die, I’ll keep proving it.

1. Fall in love
2. Be loved
3. Get married, happily, to a decent human that loves me back
4. Own a home
5. Get a college education
6. Become a mother
7. Raise an intelligent, empathetic human
8. Write, and not be terrible at it (I’m humble, so I find it difficult to say I do it well)
9. Explore other creative paths (like art, editing, book cover creation, and more)
10. Rescue animals from sociopaths like you…

© Sarah Doughty
2018 (except for expanded list)

 One year older, one more year of memories.

Outrunning The Truth

“No matter how far I go,
there’s one thing I cannot escape.
You. And it was never you
I was running from.”

No matter how far I go, there’s one thing I cannot escape. Your voice, calling me home. Your face, pleading for me to stop running. You. The memories of you, how they flood my mind and remind me of everything I have left behind. It’s the worst decision I ever made, to run from you and the reality of what came to pass. But I was strong enough to admit to myself that I couldn’t handle the pain. And I was drowning in it. These bones of mine cannot outrun the truth. Sooner or later even the distance wouldn’t be enough.

© Sarah Doughty

One way or another,
I would have to
face the truth
and that thought
terrified me.

Loosely based on the events in my
novel, Safe.