Poetry

The Hollow Dark

“When I am falling apart,
a hollowness begins to set in.
That’s how this darkness feels.”

When I am falling apart, a hollowness begins to set in. It feels like like a still lake in the midst of a clear night in the fall. The dark rippless lap at the shore, and you can only see the silhouette of things drifting along the surface. That’s how this emptiness feels. That’s how this darkness feels. Bottomless. Limitless. And that is when I feel like nothing can go right. But if I look close enough, I can see stars glittering against that same surface. I can see the crescent of the moon. Rippling, too. In moments like that, I’m reminded that hollow darkness is only temporary.

© Sarah Doughty

It is only temporary.

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Poetry

Sweet Revenge

“This r e v e n g e of mine
tastes so much sweeter knowing
I’ve risen off the ground
and left my darkness behind.”

I remember, when I was little, how much I dreamt about. I remember wondering if I would escape my dark world and find my way to the other side. I remember wondering what my future would look like if I did. And I knew, as I hit the floor, that if I made it, I wouldn’t waste it. I wouldn’t be anything like the man that took so much of me. The one that robbed me of my childhood. I knew I would find a way to pick myself back up and overcome. I knew I was born for more than what he wanted from me.

And I didn’t care how long it took, but I was determined to dream. Not to chase them — because true dreamers will find a way to make them a reality. And that’s what I’ve done. I might be far from perfect, but that list of dreams — every little thing I ever wanted, but was told I would never have — has dwindled. The future made room for me. My dreams have been realized, and with every passing day, I move closer and closer to knowing, with every part of myself, that I won the fight of my life. I beat him, and a carved a life for myself.

That is how I have overcome him. That is how I’ve survived this long. That r e v e n g e of mine tastes so much sweeter when I know I’ve risen off the ground and left him in the past.

© Sarah Doughty

I rose above
the thing he made of me,
and became so much more.

The darkness is just a memory
that haunts me now.

Poetry

What I Need

“Wanting is one thing,
but need is entirely different.
I needed you and you were mine.”

I find myself thinking about the what ifs. What would I be doing if my circumstances were different. If I could live wherever I wanted. But then I reign myself back in. Because reality is what it is, and I have what I need. Wanting is one thing, but need is entirely different. I needed to write, so I write. I needed you and you were mine. That is always something to be grateful for.

It was always you. Yes, you. No matter who you are, where you are, or how you look, or how we are connected. You are here, reading these words. My soul is connected with yours in this one, finite moment.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for being here with me.

Poetry

Eras

“And then there’s you.
You were, and always will be,
my epic love.”

When the season changes from summer to fall, and then steadily towards winter, I’m reminded that we, as people, have seasons too. On a cellular level, we shed our old selves and become new again. In a way, I find that quite romantic. How we can try to follow that same mentality when it comes to our experiences, our triumphs, our failures — our eras?

My childhood was the dark ages. I’m not sure what I would call my current phase. But that’s okay. I’m on a beautiful journey. And the best part of it all is that I’m not alone. There have been friends that have come and gone. There are friends that remain. The ones that lift me up as I try to do the same for them. They are irreplaceable. They are home. And then there’s you. You were, and always will be, my epic love. My greatest strength. My weakness, if only in the ruin that would remain if I lost you.

So, if you’re reading this, thank you for being a part of this era of my life.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for being
on this journey with me.

Poetry

A Life Of Worth

“Thank you for loving me
and making life worth living.”

I have spent enough time living in hell to know that this is far from it. In comparison, it’s like a bump in the road. But if it weren’t for you, and your unwavering support, it wouldn’t have been a bump in the road. It would have been a new kind of hell. So thank you, for being here. Thank you for making life better. A little easier. Thank you for loving me and making life worth living.

© Sarah Doughty

Because life isn’t easy.
I never claimed it was.
But loving you
changes everything.

Poetry

Never Again

“I promised myself that I would stop
writing about you. This is that time.”

I promised myself time and time again that I would stop writing about you. About how I miss you in a way that feels like a hole was left behind in my chest. It was never meant to last, I see that now. And I admit, I’m loyal to a fault. But enough is enough. I need to let you go, because whatever we shared was never real, as I thought. I’m not being fair to myself. I don’t deserve to torture myself over you any longer. So, this is that time. To forgive myself. And to finally move on from you.

© Sarah Doughty

I don’t deserve
this self-inflicted torture
I’m putting myself through.

Poetry

More Than Ever

“I never thought it was possible,
but I love you more than ever before.”

I never thought it was possible, but I do love you more than I did in the beginning. It seems as though every day, you do something that proves your devotion. You make me laugh, sometimes so hard that I cry. You make me see the lighter side of things, when I’m in my darkest moments. You drop everything if you think I need you. But it’s more than that. It’s the person I’ve known for all these years that continues to show me how I am loved. And that is a miracle.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for letting me love you.

Poetry

Rogue Comets

“And that. The passion we shared.
Oh, how much I miss it.”

We crashed together in the night like a pair of rogue comets. There were flashes. Explosions. And we both disintegrated into bits of rubble and stardust. And that. The passion we once shared. I don’t think I can emphasize how much I miss it. Being with you. Without a care in the world. Where nothing else mattered but you and me and the sounds we could elicit from one another. The way we would pour all the intensity into each other and leave nothing behind.

So, my love, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I’ve lost that part of me. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll find it again one day. Hopefully, you’ll still be with me when it happens.

© Sarah Doughty

Please, don’t give up on me yet.

Poetry

Broken Hearts

“But I will tell you this, my love.
I would break my own heart for you.”

Maybe you will understand how much I need you if I let you go. Not for my sake, but for yours. Maybe you will see how much I burden you with my demons. My darkness. And maybe, at first, you’ll think I’m just trying to pull away. Or maybe, you’ll let go of my hand and let me go without hesitation.

I’m not sure which would hurt me the most. But I will tell you this. If it would make you happier, I would willingly break my own heart. I would do that for you. I would let you go, if only to give you a chance to be free. Free from my dark. Free from my broken soul. Free from me.

© Sarah Doughty

So tell me, do you think
your life would be
brighter without me?

Poetry

Gratitude

“Being yours.
That was the best thing
to ever happen to me.”

Gratitude is within every beat of my heart. It is written upon every bone in my body. It flows through my veins. I was given a chance to live through hell. I was asked to become someone’s life. Someone’s future. A wife. And I was granted the chance to become a mother. Having a family of my own was my gift. A miracle. One of the best accomplishments of my life. I can only hope that I fulfill those roles to the best of my ability. I can only hope I do it well.

© Sarah Doughty

Thank you for choosing me.