I’m Suffocating

“Why are my dreams filled with you
and what will never be?”

Sometimes I think of karma and wonder what happened to make me deserve such torment. I think of gods and monsters, of devils and angels, and I wonder if they are just disguised as thoughts in my head. If they taunt me in the silence. Mocking me of the times we were together. The times when we were happy. Whole. And maybe they don’t stop because I have refused to ever say goodbye to you. And the more I think about it, I wonder if that’s why they won’t stop. Why my dreams are filled with you and what will never be. Why this pain is so intense that I feel like my heart is trying to erupt from my chest.

© Sarah Doughty

It hurts so much I can’t breathe.

This is what came to me
after yet another nightmare.
This time, I watched as the light
faded from my son’s eyes.
I watched as his face relaxed
for the last time.
I woke up sobbing.
Because that is my worst fear.
And I wept while I wrote this.

This was part two
of a three-part series.
Read part one and three.