Conjured by Sarah Doughty
“Didn’t you know? It was you all along.
The one that would steal my heart.”
Didn’t you know? It was you all along. The one I would meet by chance. The one that would steal my heart. The one that would spend forever with me. It wasn’t you that was lucky. It was me. Because even in my dreams, I never believed I would find my home.
© Sarah Doughty
I was lucky that home
turned out to be you.
“I have to believe in fate.
Because I can’t imagine a life
without you in it.”
This is when I begin to wonder what life would have been if you and I never crossed paths. I wonder if fate is real, and if she might have found another way to bring us together. I’d like to think so. I have to believe in fate. Because I can’t imagine a life without you in it. And no matter what choices we would have made, I believe that being yours was always in the cards for me.
© Sarah Doughty
I hope you feel
the same too.
“These doubts I hear,
like whispers in the night.
How they haunt me.”
Doubts are the whispers that linger in the night. As if, somehow, the darkness has some uncanny ability to amplify the words we hear. Or perhaps it’s the moon that echoes her words across the water that inhabits our words. But either way, I hear those words. I hear the longing tone as it passes through the trees. And it makes me wonder. Are those words meant for me? Or am I simply able to hear some of the most beautiful, sad, and love-stricken words?
© Sarah Doughty
These doubts I hear.
How they haunt me.
“Sometimes, it’s the silence that gets me.
Even though you’re within arm’s reach.”
Sometimes, it’s the silence that gets me. Even though I know you’re within arm’s reach, I still feel as though I’m miles away. Lost in a midnight mist that covers the ground like a shroud. I can feel the earth beneath my feet, the grass tickling at my ankles, but even above the blanket of fog, there’s no light. Not even the moon to guide me home. But it’s not so much the darkness that scares me. It’s the silence. Somehow, the silence leaves me with no compass. No sense of direction. And I fear if I begin to walk, I might end up further away. In the dark. In the quiet. In the mist.
© Sarah Doughty
And that’s when
the silence
becomes deafening.
“Don’t you see?
It was the way you said my name.
It felt like a melody.”
Don’t you see? It was the way you said my name. It felt like a melody. A brief glimpse of your voice. The timbre of it. And how it did over my skin, making the bed rush to the surface and causing shivers all across my body. It was a song meant only for me. And, my love, I never want you to stop singing to me.
© Sarah Doughty
Sing my name again
and let me revel
in it for a while.
“Perhaps you were always meant
to be a harsh lesson. But that’s okay.”
Perhaps you were always meant to be a temporary lesson. A harsh one, but a lesson nonetheless. And perhaps you learned a little something from me too. No matter how much you rage and seethe and plot against me in secret, I am the same person I’ve always been. No matter how much you try to change me. I am who I am. Humble. Kind at heart. And that means I’m nothing like you.
© Sarah Doughty
That also means that
I still forgive you.
“Sometimes I wonder if this well
in my heart will ever run dry.
I’ve carried so much for so long.”
Sometimes I wonder if this well in my heart will ever run dry. I’ve carried so much for what feels like forever. Would I become someone else entirely, if that well ran dry? Maybe I wouldn’t recognize the person I was. Would that really be such a bad thing?
Here’s the thing. We are the sum of everything. From conception to birth to growing up and learning just how difficult life can be. We are a collection. A summary. A life. And no matter what has happened, we bear our scars and shed our tears for as long as we must. And if that means until death, then that is just part of who we are. There are certain things in my life I couldn’t bear to let go. So that means accepting all the good with the bad. All the bits that brought me to this moment.
You are who you are. The good and the bad.
© Sarah Doughty
Be you.
“Somehow I knew, even then,
that my heart found its mate. You.”
And it’s always been this way. The flames of air burning in my lungs. The acid of exhilaration moving through my veins. The itch in my fingers to reach out to you. It’s always been like that. Since the moment I first saw you. Somehow I knew, even then, that my heart found its mate. You.
© Sarah Doughty
I’m so glad that feeling
wasn’t wrong.
“Of course I was speechless that night.
I knew my heart would be safe with you.”
Of course I was speechless that night when you just stopped what you were doing to look at me. Maybe it was the tilt of your head as you tried to memorize every facet of color in my eyes, or the reddish undertones in my hair. But I do know this. It made my heart beat louder than I ever thought possible. And the color that bloomed on my cheeks from the rush of blood and butterflies in my stomach made me feel like flying. It made me feel like my heart would always be safe with you.
© Sarah Doughty
And it always has.
“I was the lucky one, being a part of your life.
I only wish I could’ve saved you.”
It was haunting, to say the least. To see the light slowly fading from your eyes. To hear your screams echoing against the was. It was torture. Waiting all those hours. Watching you die a slow, painful death. All I could do was be there for you, even though you probably had no idea that I was. I only hope you remembered how much I loved you. And how much I miss you, now that you’re gone.
© Sarah Doughty
I will remember every moment
I was lucky to spend with you
for the rest of my life.
I just wished I could have saved you.
