Landlocked

“I’d like to hope for second chances.
Either way, I miss you like a hole in my chest.”

I’d like to hope for second chances. Another chance to reignite what we had. Either way, I miss you like a hole in my chest. It’s hard to describe what this emptiness feels like. It’s as if I’m an uncharted island, surrounded by the ocean that is you. I’m only meant to feel a small part of you at any time. And the rest of the world gets so much more. But I suppose that’s okay. It’s better than being landlocked without ever feeling your touch.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

A little is better than none.

Whole

“It’s time I feel the moonlight and know
that in this moment, I am whole on my own.”

I see the full moon shining through the mist tonight. I see how it lights up the night like the air itself is a beacon. And I wonder if you see the same thing. Hope. I wonder if you can feel the charge infusing within my spirit. Empowerment. I wonder if you even care. But I already know the answer. It’s okay that you don’t. You were only meant to be temporary in this life of mine. You were meant to be a lesson, not an epic lifetime tale. I’m okay with that. Because this is the last time I will wonder about you. I’ve spent enough time comparing so much beauty to you. It’s time I feel the moonlight and know that in this moment, I am whole on my own.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I repeat,
I am whole
on my own.

My Sun

“Make no mistake, my world did not exist
to bow at your feet. You were light,
but you were never my sun.”

I feel the emptiness today, worse than most days. And I’m not sure if I can bear to fill it back up when I know it’ll be stripped away again. Yet this is my reality. Wash, rinse, repeat. I keep going, not because I should, but because I must. You see, you were never meant to stay, let alone love me. I have other people — real people I can depend on. Make no mistake, my world did not exist to bow at your feet. You were light, but you were never my sun. So take it elsewhere, because you can’t have the satisfaction of knowing you broke me. You weren’t worth that much.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I was meant to shine
on my own.

Beholder Of Beauty

“The fact is, I’m not sure if you could handle
someone with intellect and a backbone.”

Perhaps if you took the time to appreciate someone for who they are instead of how they look, maybe you’d see that beauty lies within. But I’m not sure if you’re capable of understanding such depth. Maybe you were never taught to see beyond skin. Or, maybe you just don’t care. The fact is, I’m not sure if you could handle someone with intellect and a backbone. Someone that doesn’t need you. Someone beautiful — not just on the outside, but on in the inside as well. And while you judge and sneer, the rest of the world sees you for what you are.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

This is pretty relevant
as much today as it was
when I wrote it.

And that’s very unfortunate.

Former Selves

“Because there’s always been
something about you that calls to me.
Like time and space can’t separate us.”

Sometimes I feel something linger around me from a former life. I can sense it haunting me, the memories, the souls I’ve touched, the mark I left upon this world. Sometimes I sense you, too. Because there’s always been something about you that calls to me. Like time and space can’t separate us. Like we are always searching for one another, whether we are aware of it or not. When I feel you surrounding me in the wind, I feel like I am lost. Back in the time when we were us. And I feel your emptiness.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I can’t help but wonder
if you feel it, too.

Roses

“Your body is beautiful. Not just
the soft parts. No part of you is ugly,
no matter what anyone says.”

Your body is beautiful. But not just the soft parts. The rose is only part of the entire flower. What good would a rose be without a little strength to protect itself? The thorns may not be as pretty as the petals, but they serve a purpose. Society has the same tendency to label things as ugly. So try to appreciate parts of you that protect you, too.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

You don’t have to label
everything about yourself
as pretty. But there is value
in appreciating everything.

Grounded

“You to keep me grounded, reminding me
that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

It’s been days since I’ve slept and the very foundation of my reality is shifting. I’m seeing the cracks between worlds now that my weary eyes aren’t focusing on what’s right in front of me. My skin, muscles, and sinew no longer feel just the gravity beneath me. I’m feeling a breeze where there should be none. I’m hearing whispers where there are no mouths to speak. I’m feeling the rain when I’m not outside. I am dreaming, yet I am awake. And the longer this lasts, the more I feel like I’m detaching from my body. Floating away with the storm. So, this is me. At my lowest. When I’m hyperaware and yet numb at the same time. Who knows how long I will remain in this realm of in-between? But I try not to worry about anything. Because I have you to keep me grounded. To remind me that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

This is how insomnia feels.
What is insomnia like for you?

Easier

“It would be easier to hate you
if you were a monster the whole time.”

There were moments when you were tender, encouraging, and kind. There were even a few times you tried to advise and empower me. Maybe that’s why I’m so conflicted about you. Maybe it would be easier to hate you or even understand you if you were a monster the whole time.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Those moments were few
and far between,
but they were there.

I don’t often like to ponder these inconsistencies in the character of the man that took so much from me. But the fact remains, sometimes, as rare as these instances were, he suddenly became a caring human being. Perhaps it was only a means to throw me off guard. Or maybe he was an entirely different person during the day while sober. I don’t think I’ll ever know the truth.

What are your thoughts on this?

Risks

“And, darling, I know I’d much rather live
this life with you than risk losing you.”

I’m standing at the edge of oblivion and I’m no longer certain I don’t want to explore its depths. Maybe I’ll find something beyond the darkness, something that will bring life. Perhaps rid me of these demons that follow me. But I know what I’d be leaving behind. And, darling, I know I’d much rather live this life with you than risk losing you.

© Sarah Doughty

Sometimes I have to
remind myself that I’m fighting
for more than just myself.
Can you relate?

Hope Is Enough

“But for now, all we have left of us is hope.
Maybe, if we’re lucky, that will be enough.”

Perhaps our hearts will find each other. That love might have a chance for us in another life. Maybe then we will finally believe in fate. And find out if our souls really are bound together beyond this lifetime. But for now, all we have left of us is hope. Maybe, if we’re lucky, that will be enough.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Maybe in another life.