Upright

“And now that I’m on my own,
I don’t know how to move forward
or to hold myself upright.”

I remember the day I fell in love like it was yesterday. I remember the exhilaration. The limitless possibilities of a future together. But after the end came, my pain could have filled an ocean made of broken pieces of my heart and salty tears. You see, I was there with you through every moment, and now that I’m on my own, I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to hold myself upright when all I want to do is break down and let that ocean of my own making wash me away.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

In this ocean of despair,
I let myself sink.

Because I needed you
just as much as you needed me.
Until the end came.

Fighting Back

“I refuse to admit defeat.
I refuse to relent.
Because I am a survivor.”

I refuse to admit defeat. I refuse to relent, even long enough to take a breath. Because I am a survivor. I’ve been raised on the foundation of fighting for my life. To keep breathing, to keep going, no matter hopeless it seems. And that’s the difference between you and I. I haven’t given up. And I never will. For this is my battle cry and it will never end.

I stand with my sisters and brothers in defiance of every dark moment in our lives. I stand against silence. I stand against injustice. And I will never stop.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Who needs war paint
when we are already covered
in our own spilled blood?

Such Peace

“I feel you in the night. In the calm.
In the moon. These nights.
How they bring me such peace.”

How this moon calls to me these nights. How the stars twinkle with your name. How it feels brighter than the sun upon my face. Warmer with the dark blanket of those sleepy skies. I feel you in the night. In the calm. In the sounds of crickets and owls. In the howling of distant coyotes and the hooves of deer as they roam through the thicket and wood. In your gentle kiss upon my neck and the way your fingers brush across my cheek. These nights. How they bring me such peace.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Peace in a world
touched by chaos.

Monsters Of Men

“Monsters come in many forms,
and mine found new ways to torment me.”

It was done. That instant of relief washed over me and I knew the war was over. At least, that’s what I thought. I found love, home, and finally freedom. My future, laid out before me. It was like being able to breathe for the first time in my life. It was like being able to see clearly for the first time. It was brief, but it was true. But monsters come in many forms, and mine found new ways to torment me.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

It’s a good thing
I’ve learned
how to survive.

All Along

“It was you all along.
Right where I didn’t expect you to be.
And I was yours.”

It was you all along. Right where I didn’t expect you to be. It was as if you were waiting for me the whole time, and the instant our eyes met, I knew my search was over. I’d found my home and I was yours. It just took me some time to accept that it happened so quickly. That somehow, my heart always belonged to you and I just needed time to come to terms with my new reality. One filled with hope and possibilities. One filled with love and admiration. One filled with a future and a life worth living.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

It was you, my love.
It was you all along.

Far Away

“Darling, if you miss me, listen to the wind.
I will always be there to remind you
how much I love you.”

My darling, whenever you feel lost, look up at the stars twinkling in the night sky. Whenever you feel sad, go dance in the rain. Whenever you feel as though your heart is breaking all over again, just remember, I’m never far away. I’m always with you. Whenever you miss me, just listen to the wind. I will always be there to kiss you on the cheek and remind you how much I love you. No matter what the future brings, I will always be with you.

Even if death tries to separate us, I will never be gone. I will live in your memories. I will live in your dreams. And I will never be far away.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

I will never
be far away.

Here I Am

“So, here I am, my love.
My heart has always been yours.
It always will be.”

Here I am, my love. I’ve been here all along. Just waiting for you to look in my direction. Waiting for the look on your face that would tell me you were through. But it never came. And you continue to live up to your promises. So, here I am, my love. My heart has always been yours. It always will be. Here I am, connected to you forevermore. If nothing else, just remember I’m here. In the ground beneath your feet. In the air rustling through the trees. In the fire as embers, lifting into the sky. And in the rain that kisses your cheeks. Here I am, my love. I am always with you. And my heart has always been yours.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Always yours.
Forevermore.

Finding You Again

“I’ll ever stop trying to find my way to you.
Because you are worth it.
And so am I.”

This yearning I feel to break free of these chains is only making me pull against them that much harder. It feels like an invisible wall that won’t budge. All I can do is watch from my own magical prison, and I don’t yet know how to knock down the walls and break the links in the shackles that bind me. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop trying. Because you are worth it. And so am I.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

It’s time we break
these barriers and be free.

Happy birthday to
my wonderful husband.

Feeling Alone

“I learned a long time ago
what it meant to feel alone —
and it doesn’t scare me any longer.”

These thoughts of mine. How they rummage around my head in tiny whispers. Like they’re sharing secrets amongst themselves and letting me feel like I’m left on the outside. I suppose I should be used to that by now, but it does still sting when even my own thoughts don’t accept who I am as I am. But that’s okay. I learned a long time ago what it meant to feel alone — and it doesn’t scare me any longer.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

These thoughts,
how they no longer
have power over me.

Anchored

“My love, you are my anchor.
I was always meant to be yours.”

These thoughts, how the arrest me in the night. How they hold me hostage and haunt me, like memories, playing out on the moonlit walls in front of me. It was the way you held my hand, as if you were afraid to let me go. Like I was a balloon and could blow away in the wind if you didn’t keep me anchored to the ground. But, my love, I never would have left your side. Since the first day we connected, you became my anchor. You are still my anchor. And though I may not have realized it in the beginning, I was always meant to be yours. Bound beyond time and space.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

That’s what makes us
unshakable.

Happy birthday to
my wonderful husband.