Conjured by Sarah Doughty
“Love was never
supposed to be defined.
Love is meant to be free.”
Love was never supposed to be defined by color, religion, or gender. It shouldn’t matter what they look like on the outside. Love speaks from the heart and the mind. Not someone’s genitals.
© Sarah Doughty 2017
Let me note that
this does not mean
I’m advocating for
any illegal activity.
Two consenting adults
should be all that matters.
Not the color of their skin,
their religion, or their genitals.
“Shutting you out was my worst mistake.
Like I left you before I let you go.”
And I felt it. The end. It wasn’t just one thing, though. It slowly drifted away from my outstretched fingers. Carried by some unseen current. Though I tried to hold on. To you. To us. It wasn’t enough. That was when I began to drown in the broken pieces of my heart. You see, I never wanted things to turn out this way. With so many tears and a future we dreamed, torn away in a matter of minutes. I couldn’t bear to look at the expression you tried to hide. The one that told me how lost you felt. And there I was, trying to keep myself from facing a reality I didn’t want to recognize. By shutting you out, it was like I left you before I let you go. It was the biggest mistake I ever made, not being there for you as you were for me. I couldn’t ask your forgiveness. Not after this. I didn’t know if I could ever forgive myself.
© Sarah Doughty
Sometimes I manage to break my own heart when I write the adventures of my charactersmy characters. And still, this moment is by far one of the biggest heartbreaking things they’ve ever had to endure. Even today, it feels like a fresh wound, open and deep, spilling over. If only I could stop all the obstacles that stand in their way. If only I could take those burdens from them. But this is their story. I must tell it as honestly as I can. Good parts and bad.
“No matter how broken you think you are,
bask in the light you find.”
Life is made up of moments. Good or bad, they are meant to be felt. They are meant to be lived. For the longest time, I was certain the bad outweighed all the good. Like a stain on a pristine cloth. But I’ve realized the good might not have come from all the wrong. All the hurt. All the darkness and shadows that haunt us from our pasts only make the light more vivid. More contrasting. It makes the good parts stand out that much more. So no matter how broken you think you are, bask in the light you find.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
Find the light
and don’t ever let it go.
“Wherever you are.
Whenever you need it.
I’ll be there, in the wind.”
I know there’s little to say
that will bring you comfort.
There’s going to be rough times ahead.
But just know that I’m here for you.
In whatever capacity I can.
I know it’s not enough right now,
but know that I care.
If you ever feel like you’re
overwhelmed with grief,
or that the chasm in your heart
is too much, or if you just feel
like you need a moment of peace,
find the wind. I’ll be there.
Wherever you are.
Whenever you need it.
I’ll be there.
Find the wind.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
“My soul is like a lifeless and barren land. Lost, like a faint memory from ages ago.”
My soul is like a lifeless and barren land. Lost, like a relic of the past. Lost, like a faint memory from ages ago. Do you feel it too? Can you feel the cold beneath your fingertips? The way my heart skips a beat in panic. Do you see the pain that lingers in my eyes? The way they try to hide. Do you hear the destruction I’ve left in my wake? Even though I’ve tried to make this world beautiful once more. What about the pain that echoes in my voice? The hurt and regret, the lost innocence and the desperate need to reclaim something that’s good and pure. Can you smell the smoke? The ruins of a heart broken way too many times. The fragments of my soul that cling to life. I want to ask if you think there’s any hope to restore what was lost, but I don’t know if I could bear the answer.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
Everything will be okay.
You have to hold the hope tight.
“I was no one.
And, in a way, I still am.
But I learned long ago to take scraps.”
When I was still a child, I was no one. Because who could possibly care for a broken little girl like me? But, every damn day, I appreciated the fact that I was still alive. That alone gave me hope. Those rare bits of honest kindness from others were like icing on the cake. I took what I could get and fought through another day.
That was the world I knew. That is the world I still know. But that’s okay. Because I learned long ago to take scraps.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
No matter who you are
or what you’ve survived,
you deserve more than scraps.
You deserve to be treated with importance.
“Everything about you holds me captive.
And I don’t ever want to escape.”
And this feeling I have is building inside. It holds me tight and mesmerizes me by its allure. It’s the wanting of you. How my lips itch to connect with yours. How my ears try to catch every sound you make. How my fingertips crave the sensation of you. From your skin to the softness of your hair, I am held captive. But it’s not something I ever want to escape.
© Sarah Doughty
It’s strange,
being enchanted by you
is more comforting
than I ever thought possible.
“The next day always comes.
Just remember to keep going.”
This world isn’t black and white, but so many people perceive it that way. I’ve seen beyond the gray and into a place where even shadows have some light to dance with. I’ve seen the rainbows after the storms and felt their pain, as if for once they’d like to be granted a wish.
I’ve felt the wind and how whispers carry. I’ve heard the trees reaching just a little higher to catch some of those words. Even though this world is often dark and no other souls are in sight, I can still feel you there, like you’re right behind me. And if I turn around, I might catch a glimpse of you there. But the space where I feel you is empty.
It’s always empty. But if I look beyond what my eyes can see, I will see you in between life and dreams. And if we’re both lost, all we need to do is find the wind. She always knows how to bring us home. And it is there we will find each other in the dark.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
This was inspired, in part,
by the lovely Wilder of @wilderpoetry.
“The next day always comes.
Just remember to keep going.”
I thought, once upon a time, that fireflies gathered together just beyond the horizon, and combined their bio-luminescent bodies into what people called the sun. My sleepy eyes would watch, and wonder what it would be like to shine up there with them. Together. To make daylight possible. To make the sky turn blue by reflecting their light back at them. And let the clouds take center stage.
Those giants could be fluffy, white cotton candy, with the sun glimmering through them. Or they would blanket the sky, rumble and cry, like I so often wanted to do. And sometimes I did. Because I knew, I wasn’t the only one in so much pain. But then there were days when the expanse of the sky was empty. Nothing but blue as far as my eyes could touch.
But no matter what happened during the day, I was sad to see those fireflies heading towards the horizon, slowly dimming their light as they went, welcoming the moon to rise and take their place.
© Sarah Doughty
2017
The next day always comes.
Remember to make the most
of your time.
“My love, you are all the comfort I need.
So promise you’ll hold me when I fall apart.”
I can feel it starting. The breaking. The cracks in my resolve. The emotions bubbling up and seeping through any weak point it can find. And I know it’s coming. The undoing. The inevitable fall to the floor in nothing more than a jumble of raw nerves, pain, and tears. But you’re right next to me and I cannot help but wonder if you’d be my shoulder. If you knew how much I needed to be wrapped in your arms and held together, would you do it? Would you be the brace I’d need to hold me upright? Would you hold me while I fall apart?
© Sarah Doughty
It’s okay to feel.
And it’s okay to turn
to someone you trust
for comfort.
It doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you human.
Inspired by
my wonderful friend,
Dipendra Tamang of @thangbalay.
