A Life Of Worth

“Thank you for loving me
and making life worth living.”

I have spent enough time living in hell to know that this is far from it. In comparison, it’s like a bump in the road. But if it weren’t for you, and your unwavering support, it wouldn’t have been a bump in the road. It would have been a new kind of hell. So thank you, for being here. Thank you for making life better. A little easier. Thank you for loving me and making life worth living.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Because life isn’t easy.
I never claimed it was.
But loving you
changes everything.

Never Again

“I promised myself that I would stop
writing about you. This is that time.”

I promised myself time and time again that I would stop writing about you. About how I miss you in a way that feels like a hole was left behind in my chest. It was never meant to last, I see that now. And I admit, I’m loyal to a fault. But enough is enough. I need to let you go, because whatever we shared was never real, as I thought. I’m not being fair to myself. I don’t deserve to torture myself over you any longer. So, this is that time. To forgive myself. And to finally move on from you.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I don’t deserve
this self-inflicted torture
I’m putting myself through.

More Than Ever

“I never thought it was possible,
but I love you more than ever before.”

I never thought it was possible, but I do love you more than I did in the beginning. It seems as though every day, you do something that proves your devotion. You make me laugh, sometimes so hard that I cry. You make me see the lighter side of things, when I’m in my darkest moments. You drop everything if you think I need you. But it’s more than that. It’s the person I’ve known for all these years that continues to show me how I am loved. And that is a miracle.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Thank you for letting me love you.

Rogue Comets

“And that. The passion we shared.
Oh, how much I miss it.”

We crashed together in the night like a pair of rogue comets. There were flashes. Explosions. And we both disintegrated into bits of rubble and stardust. And that. The passion we once shared. I don’t think I can emphasize how much I miss it. Being with you. Without a care in the world. Where nothing else mattered but you and me and the sounds we could elicit from one another. The way we would pour all the intensity into each other and leave nothing behind.

So, my love, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I’ve lost that part of me. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll find it again one day. Hopefully, you’ll still be with me when it happens.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Please, don’t give up on me yet.

Broken Hearts

“But I will tell you this, my love.
I would break my own heart for you.”

Maybe you will understand how much I need you if I let you go. Not for my sake, but for yours. Maybe you will see how much I burden you with my demons. My darkness. And maybe, at first, you’ll think I’m just trying to pull away. Or maybe, you’ll let go of my hand and let me go without hesitation.

I’m not sure which would hurt me the most. But I will tell you this. If it would make you happier, I would willingly break my own heart. I would do that for you. I would let you go, if only to give you a chance to be free. Free from my dark. Free from my broken soul. Free from me.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

So tell me, do you think
your life would be
brighter without me?

Gratitude

“Being yours.
That was the best thing
to ever happen to me.”

Gratitude is within every beat of my heart. It is written upon every bone in my body. It flows through my veins. I was given a chance to live through hell. I was asked to become someone’s life. Someone’s future. A wife. And I was granted the chance to become a mother. Having a family of my own was my gift. A miracle. One of the best accomplishments of my life. I can only hope that I fulfill those roles to the best of my ability. I can only hope I do it well.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Thank you for choosing me.

Personification

“Oh, but darling, how can I bring
any light to your life if all I am
is darkness personified?”

I’ve been down here in this darkness for so long that I’ve forgotten what it means to be bathed in light. I’ve forgotten what it means to feel sunlight on my skin. And all the while, I’ve taken you for granted. As you hold me up and break your back in the process, I lash out when I feel like I’m drowning in the dark. How can I tell you how sorry I am for putting you through that? How can I bring any light to your life if all I am is darkness personified?

© Sarah Doughty
2018

How do I hold you
in the light?

Mid-Summer Storms

“I stood beneath the storm
and I imagined it was you.
That is why I always love the rain.”

I stood beneath a mid-summer storm and turned my face up to the sky. My eyes slid closed as I let the warm rain glide down my skin. And I imagined it was your fingertips, gliding over me. I imagined it was your lips, tasting me. Down my neck. Past my shoulders. I imagined you were everywhere and nowhere. All at the same time. I couldn’t help but smile as lightning flashed like your smile across the sky, and the loud crack of thunder reminded me of the way your voice sounded when it was just you and me, skin to skin. Without hesitation. Without a care in the world, except for the sounds we could make while we were together.

And that, my love, is why I love the rain. That is why, I love the storms. And that, my love, is why the summer and those seemingly instantaneous storms will always be a reminder of what we shared.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

So whenever the rain falls,
don’t forget to kiss me.

Your Dark Is Beautiful Too

“But darling, you forgot
about one thing:
I love your dark, too.”

When I said I loved everything about you — your mannerisms, your speech, the way that beautiful mind worked — I also meant that I loved all facets of you. All the colors you radiated from within. The blazing reds of your unbridled passion. The blues of your light-hearted laugh. The purples of your mid-afternoon nap. And every color in between. Because you are the light of my life. But darling, you forgot about one thing: I love your dark, too. How else could the night give way to such an expanse of stars and moonlight?

© Sarah Doughty
2018

You are every color
of my soul.

In Your Orbit

“Sometimes, when I dream,
I’m reminded that you do love me.
For better or worse. You love me.”

Sometimes I dream I’m in outer space. Floating along some unseen path. But as my eyes adjust, I can see I’m not lost. There’s a moon. A blue moon, with such beautiful scars. I find myself trying to commit each one to my memory. And just before I wake, I realize that scars only add intrigue. I realize that they each have a story to tell, and when I find that I want to know those stories, I think I can finally fathom a fraction of what you feel for me when you look at me.

And maybe, those dreams are enough to remind me that you do love me. For better or worse. You love me.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

I’m the lucky one —
to be in your orbit.