Open Book

“My eyes are an open book,
and if you dare to know the stories,
you’ll see how much I have to say.”

Someone once told me that my eyes didn’t look so much like the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on a sunny, winter day, but that my eyes could hold a galaxy in them. All the colors, blue into green, flecks of yellow, all blended together to look like a far off place full of light, stars, hope, and wonder. That’s what my eyes said through their colors. But looking deeper, in the center that looks directly into my soul, there’s depths that not everyone would want to venture. There’s desperation, heartache, pain, and helplessness. But there’s also a fierce determination to not let it be the defining feature. You see, my eyes are like an open book, and if you dare to know the stories that lie within, you’ll see just how much will I have to fight back against all the things that have or will ever try to hold me down.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

That’s who I am.
So take me or leave me.

Our Memories

“You were everything to me,
but our love couldn’t overcome death.
And all I have left of us is the memories.”

In the silence of the night, I remember us. The way we could lay together in silence without the need to speak. It was as if we could read each others’ minds. And no matter where we were, we still felt each other. That’s how I knew you would always have a place — not just in my heart — but in my soul. You were everything to me, and not even our love could overcome death. For now, all I have left of us is the memories.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And that will
have to be enough.

Undying Love

“And for the rest of my days,
the love I felt for you will never die.”

I still remember that smile of yours. The one that would flash across your face in defiance. The one that told me how fierce you were, while at the same time showing me how much you loved me. Perhaps that was the glitter in your eyes as the candle light flickered around us. Either way, I knew what I felt for you would never die. And for the rest of my days, that will never change. So even though you’re gone, my heart will always belong to you.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

My heart will always
belong to you.

Matters At Heart

“But I do know one thing,
nothing else matters to me
than having you with me.”

Sometimes I wonder about us. The decisions we made, the routes we took. I wonder where they would have taken us had we made other plans. But I do know one thing, nothing else matters to me than having you with me. Wherever we go, or wherever we end up, it will be together. That’s what makes us so special. Everything we do, we do it as one.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

As one,
as it should be.

Eyes Screaming

“I hope my eyes tell you
every moment of every day
that my heart belongs to you.”

When my lungs no longer breathe air, remember that fire is what sustains me. When my blood turns black, know that words need to be spilled. And when my eyes linger on you for a few extra moments, know that it’s me, screaming inside my head, trying desperately to let the words flow from my mouth. Just remember those hidden messages in my eyes that tell you every moment of every day, my heart belongs to you.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Just as it always has.

Outlasting You

“That’s the thing about surviving.
If I could outlast you, I can outlast anything.”

In this late hour, all I can hear is the sound of the wind whispering. The rest is just darkness and silence beyond my window. It seems as though even the crickets have decided to rest for the night. But not me. The night has a way of bringing out the fear in me. Almost as if my demons know just when to come out to play. But that’s okay. I’ve learned to outlast them too. You taught me that.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

If I could outlast you,
I can outlast anything.

Caring And Hurting

“I told myself that I didn’t care.
I didn’t care that you used me. But I do.”

I told myself that I didn’t care. I didn’t care that you used me, knowing full well that you tried to hurt me. Or tried to taint my name. Paint me as someone else. But I do care. I cared about you. I hoped you weren’t going to turn your back and show your true colors, because I refused to think that you would want to hurt me like that. But I was wrong. And you know something? I forgive you. I still care about you, but I will never take you for what I hoped you were again. I will never trust you again.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

And to me, there is
never any going back.

Upright

“And now that I’m on my own,
I don’t know how to move forward
or to hold myself upright.”

I remember the day I fell in love like it was yesterday. I remember the exhilaration. The limitless possibilities of a future together. But after the end came, my pain could have filled an ocean made of broken pieces of my heart and salty tears. You see, I was there with you through every moment, and now that I’m on my own, I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to hold myself upright when all I want to do is break down and let that ocean of my own making wash me away.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

In this ocean of despair,
I let myself sink.

Because I needed you
just as much as you needed me.
Until the end came.

Fighting Back

“I refuse to admit defeat.
I refuse to relent.
Because I am a survivor.”

I refuse to admit defeat. I refuse to relent, even long enough to take a breath. Because I am a survivor. I’ve been raised on the foundation of fighting for my life. To keep breathing, to keep going, no matter hopeless it seems. And that’s the difference between you and I. I haven’t given up. And I never will. For this is my battle cry and it will never end.

I stand with my sisters and brothers in defiance of every dark moment in our lives. I stand against silence. I stand against injustice. And I will never stop.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Who needs war paint
when we are already covered
in our own spilled blood?

Such Peace

“I feel you in the night. In the calm.
In the moon. These nights.
How they bring me such peace.”

How this moon calls to me these nights. How the stars twinkle with your name. How it feels brighter than the sun upon my face. Warmer with the dark blanket of those sleepy skies. I feel you in the night. In the calm. In the sounds of crickets and owls. In the howling of distant coyotes and the hooves of deer as they roam through the thicket and wood. In your gentle kiss upon my neck and the way your fingers brush across my cheek. These nights. How they bring me such peace.

© Sarah Doughty
2019

Peace in a world
touched by chaos.