Poetry, PTSD and Awareness, Updates

Asking For It

“Before you point that accusatory finger
in my direction, remember this:
I never asked for it.”

The sun is setting and I feel the cold seeping into my bones. I feel the life bleeding out of my feet, leeching into the ground. And I stand here, breathing smoke into the sky. Because that’s all I have left to give — pieces of my broken spirit. And that’s all that remains after the vultures picked me apart. So before you point that accusatory finger in my direction, remember this: I never asked for it. I never gave the wrong signals. I didn’t deserve all you forced upon me.

And how could I have known better? I was barely old enough to walk, let alone understand what vile things you wanted from me. If you wouldn’t blame a child, then why blame the teenager for going to a party? Why blame the woman that was followed home from work? It’s time everyone takes a hard look at the patterns. Those men saw something they wanted, and they took it. With complete disregard for their victim. And I suppose that’s part of the point. They have the power. They need it. So they take it wherever they can get it.

So, if you are a victim, and you’ve ever felt that finger pointing in your direction, know that no matter what anyone tells you — You. Are. Not. To. Blame.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Illustration via @harumi_hironaka.

I am sharing this again today, not because I feel the need to repost it, but because I feel it’s necessary to reiterate to the world that there is, in fact, a culture. It exists and there is a reason that women (for the majority) do not come forward until sometimes decades later, if at all. Society immediately rejects them.

She shouldn’t have been at that party.
She shouldn’t have been wearing those clothes.
She shouldn’t have given him 
eyes….
Where’s the evidence to prove this happened?
Why didn’t she come forward immediately?
… and the list goes on.

So, this is for all the survivors out there — both the ones that have used their voices (and especially for Dr. Ford, for having the bravery to speak out in a public, televised inquiry, despite having been harassed and given multiple death threats by even considering doing so) and those that have survived in silence — know that it was not your fault. My thoughts are always with the people that have suffered at the hands of monsters and I hope that at the very least, someone will find comfort with these words. Just knowing that you aren’t alone might be enough.


I also want to state that I am not claiming that Kavanaugh is guilty, because I believe in the “innocent until proven guilty” principles this country is based upon. However, this does not mean that I believe that Dr. Ford is not telling her truth. Something happened to her, and I believe her. After thirty-some years, you wouldn’t remember something in such vivid detail if it wasn’t a major event in your life. I know this from experience. There are many things I wish I could erase from my mind, but alas, they are burned there like a brand and they will never go away as long as I live. These are not the accounts and emotional responses of a person that is fabricating a story.

Poetry, Updates

Sharp

“When I awoke from the nightmare,
I reminded myself that I was alive.”

The blade cut into the night and flashed silver against the moonlight. And even though my ears heard no sounds but the thundering of my heart, I swore I could hear the sharp metal singing its high-pitched tune as it sliced through the air. It slipped through my skin like it was warm butter and at first I felt nothing. I wondered if maybe it was shock or disbelief. But then the pain started. Like someone injected gasoline into my bloodstream and lit a match. I watched as the thick, red liquid poured out of the fresh wound and begged for death. And as he stood over me, he licked my blood from his dagger and smiled down at me in a show of blood-stained teeth — right before everything went black.

When I awoke from the nightmare, I reminded myself that I was alive and the true face behind my fears liked it when I called him Daddy. The only comfort I found was knowing that death came for him first. Too bad he didn’t take the memories with him.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

This was written as part of
a much larger collaboration called Sharp
with Sudden Denouement‘s Weyward Sisters,
nine other extremely talented writers.
As always, it was a pleasure writing with them.

Poetry, Updates

Reconciliation

“My love, all I want and need is you.
It’s always been you.”

Maybe that’s what I can’t reconcile. What I want and what I need. You. You see, I want you to be by my side. I want you to love me, unequivocally, just as I love you. I want you to grow old with me, and fall more in love with me every day as I do for you. I want you with me, happy, content, and fulfilled. What I want is you. All of you. For always….

© Sarah Doughty
2018

Read the rest of this piece
at Sudden Denouement.
As always, many thanks
to the wonderful people
there for all their kindness
and support.

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Updates

Two In Twenty-Four

It’s been so long since the pandemic started raging through countries and cities. It’s spilled into every corner of the globe with no end in sight. And here I am, where I’ve always been. Except this is different. I’m not the only one in isolation. I’m not the only one that feels stuck with no hope of escape. I’m not okay. You’re probably not, either. And that is okay.

It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel sad. Or scared. Or anything else. It’s okay to feel. Twice today, I was reminded of this fact. Despite my social distancing online — which again, I apologize for, people are still taking time to reach out and tell me how much my words have helped them. Different ways of helping, but helping nonetheless. I’d almost forgotten what something like that feels like, and I realized that we all probably need it, in some form or other, as well.

So, if you’re reading this and something has been on your mind, or you’ve thought about something someone is doing that you appreciate, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell them. Tell them how they’ve impacted your life. Even if it was only for a few seconds. Even if it feels inconsequential, it should be shared.

I, for one, cannot thank each and every one of you enough for being here despite my silence. Knowing you’re there waiting for me gives me hope to keep fighting through whatever this is I’ve been experiencing in different degrees of severity for nearly a year.

© Sarah Doughty

I’m still here
and so are you.
There’s hope left
for all of us.

Poetry, Random Thoughts, Updates

The State Of Things

“Here’s the thing: I’m not okay.
I haven’t been for some time.”

Here’s the thing: I’m not okay. I haven’t been for some time. And it seems that it’s only been getting worse as the days go by. I am at a loss for what I should do. Let me restate that. I know what I should be doing, but I cannot seem to force myself to do it. Instead, I’m seeking reprieve from life in something I never thought I’d enjoy instead of writing out my thoughts and really doing the thing that has always helped me — write. Yet here I am. Not writing. Well, I’m writing this little update, it’s been years since I’ve written fiction with any substantial amount of time. And I honestly don’t know if or when I’ll be able to snap out of this funk and just do it.

So that’s where I am. Don’t give up on me yet. I haven’t admitted defeat.

© Sarah Doughty

I don’t think I ever will.

Updates

November Notes 2019

The fourth-annual November Notes is back!

Are you as excited as I am?

Here’s the rundown.
The guidelines are the same.

  • Each day during the month of November,
    a new song will be your prompt.
  • Take whatever part of the day’s selection
    that resonates with you the most.
  • Create something. Anything.
    Art, poetry, flash fiction, photography — the choice is yours.
  • Share it anywhere — just be sure to use the right tag.
    • #novembernotes2019 on social media, NovemberNotes on WordPress, #November Notes on Tumblr.
  • My co-host, the very talented Nicole Hartley — and I will do our best to show our support.
  • Also, Yellow Penguin, NYC is graciously supporting this month of creativity.

To listen and follow along to each
of the songs on Spotify, click here.

  1. The Comedown (3 AM) by Empara Mi
  2. Ambivalence by Tanuki
  3. Bones by Low Roar
  4. I Don’t Care (ft. Adam Grontier) by Apocalyptica
  5. Eyes by Ex Makina
  6. What I Wouldn’t Give by We The Kings
  7. Miles To Go by Stateless
  8.  I Of The Storm by Of Monsters And Men
  9. Wildfire (alternate version) by SYML
  10. Quiet by This Will Destroy You
  11. Heart Of The Darkness by Tommee Proffitt
  12. Empathy by Audiomachine
  13. Everybody’s Free (To wear Sunscreen) by Baz Lurhmann, Quintin Tarver, Josh Abrams
  14. Shadows Fall by Random Forest
  15. Casualty by Hidden Citizens
  16. Your Soul by Hippie Sabotage
  17. Paradise Circus (Gui Boratto remix) by Massive Attack
  18. Recreational by Aaron Krause
  19. Catch Fire by The Neon Lights
  20. Counting by Autre Ne Veut
  21. ‘Till Sunrise (ft. Mammals) by Goldroom
  22. Bones by Dustin Tebbutt
  23. BloodStutter by Handsome Ghost
  24. Ivory by MOVEMENT
  25. Clouds Are Sleeping by The Abbasi Brothers
  26. The Illusion Of Order by Red Sparrow
  27. Hunger Of The Pine by Alt-j
  28. Until Then… by Sully Erna
  29. In For The Kill by Billie Marten
  30. Silhouette (ft. Ellie Goulding) by Active Child

We look forward to seeing your wonderful creations!

~Sarah Doughty

Poetry, Updates

It’s Time To Say

“My darling, to say that I miss you
would be an understatement.”

To say that I miss you
would be an understatement.
To say that I’m tired
would be sugar coating
the amount of exhaustion I feel.
To say that I’m struggling
and feel like everything
is falling out of control is like
saying a tornado is just a stiff breeze.

I’m doing everything I can to live up to the high expectations I set for myself and I’m feeling as though I’m drowning in it. I’ll pull through, though. But it’s time to say that I’m only one person and I just can’t keep up.

My plan is to slow down,
but never stop.

Because I have to write.

Because I need to write.

© Sarah Doughty
2015

For the sake of telling the story that needs told. For the sake of my characters, I will go on. But I’ll need one more cup of coffee. One more push. One more encouraging cheer from a friend. But, ultimately, I need to allow myself to breathe a little.

Not too much. Because the demons will take over if I let them. I have so many books I want to read, so many I need to write. It’s time that I learned how to pace myself. After so much pain, I deserve to give myself a break.

Poetry, Updates

Thunderstorms at Night

It’s such an honor to be a part of Heretics, Lovers, and Madmen. Thank you for letting me share my dark with you.

Heretics, Lovers, and Madmen

“Like a drum from above,

it was the thunder of my heart

that kept me alive and alert.”

It was the thunder that kept me awake. Synapses firing, like lightning in the night, illuminating the fog of dark gray, cotton-candy clouds. Thoughts springing to life before disappearing in an instant, only to fire yet again with another string of words flash behind my eyes and whisper to me. Those are my demons, my monsters, my battle cries. Those are the rumblings, the crackles in my ears. That is the constant reminder that I’m still alive. These thoughts, they keep me sharp. They keep me alert. I stay alive. And that thunder that rolls by. That’s the sound of my heart, refusing to submit.

© 2019 Sarah Doughty

Sarah Doughty is the tingling wonder-voice behind Heartstring EulogiesThe Silence Between Moonbeams, her poetry chapbook, and her acclaimed novels and…

View original post 29 more words

Updates

Just Released! All The Lonely People by Nicholas Gagnier


It is my pleasure to announce that
Nicholas Gagnier has released
All The Lonely People!

This collection of poetry
is a follow-up to Swear To Me.
And just like the Swear To Me,
I am humbled to have been a part
of a large collaborative effort
that was included in this book.

A heartfelt congratulations to my friend
for another amazing collection.
Here’s to many more to come!

Now available on Amazon.com
and Amazon.com.uk.