Poetry

I Am A Mask

“All I am is a mask, trying to cover
all this pain I feel.”

Sometimes, on the surface, I seem like a perfectly happy person with this perfectly happy life and a loving family. Though I don’t talk about them in detail much, I can say that my life is far from perfect. I still have pain every day. I still have habits I developed as a child as both a coping mechanism and an attempt at making myself undesirable by the man that abused me every night. Though that last part failed, the coping did help to an extent, which is probably why I still use it today. But mostly, underneath it all, I’m not just in pain. I’m suffering. The guilt I carry every day over what happened then, and what I carry now, for not being okay, is almost too much for me to bear. But I do it. And I will keep doing it for a long as it takes.

© Sarah Doughty
2018

It’s not just my family
that deserves normalcy,
but I deserve it too.
And that, right there
is a step in the right direction.
I deserve it too.

2 thoughts on “I Am A Mask”

  1. We all, try to, break away from how we were, raised, but it takes, a whole lot of self-awareness, the willingness to change, and actually, doing something, to change, in order, to get beyond the impacts of our own, former years.

    Like

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