“It would be easier to hate you
if you were a monster the whole time.”

There were moments when you were tender, encouraging, and kind. There were even a few times you tried to advise and empower me. Maybe that’s why I’m so conflicted about you. Maybe it would be easier to hate you or even understand you if you were a monster the whole time.

© Sarah Doughty

Those moments were few
and far between,
but they were there.

I don’t often like to ponder these inconsistencies in the character of the man that took so much from me. But the fact remains, sometimes, as rare as these instances were, he suddenly became a caring human being. Perhaps it was only a means to throw me off guard. Or maybe he was an entirely different person during the day while sober. I don’t think I’ll ever know the truth.

What are your thoughts on this?

16 thoughts on “Easier”

  1. I wonder about this, too.
    It’s not easy, nor advisable, to put people in boxes. Is someone good or bad? Maybe they are both? It’s human nature to be imperfect. It’s human to sin. So I think there is room for both. With that said, there are psychopaths, etc. Personally, I refuse to believe that people are ALL bad. There’s a pinch of good in all of them. It might just not be revealed to us when we want it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah yes. I think you’re on to something here. Perhaps there is a relatively small number of the general human population that lack emotions of any kind, and often those that do experience emotions bury them deep down and not many have a chance to see it.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It is a hard and painful question to answer. Because there is no happy answer.

      If it’s all a psych you out game, that means there is absolutely no good in him and he is horrible through and through.

      But if it’s a glimpse of who they truly are, that makes the cruelty and abuse even more painful. Because it leaves you wondering how can someone so kind and caring be so abusive. Which, of course, leads to the whole whirlpool of self doubt and maybe I really deserve to be treated like this mentality.

      Like I said, there is no good answer either way.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think he didn’t deserve you. He also sounds like he may have been an alcoholic which is a horrid disease. I grew up with two alcoholic parents and it takes something precious away from you. It is hard when you are so in love as I was with my first love. He left me for an older very beautiful woman. I still dream of the good times we had. I look forward to seeing him again in heaven. I agree with Sha’Tara. Eventually time does soften the pain. I have my loving husband to thank for that. Love you Sara 💕 Joni


      1. It sounds like unfortunately we may have a lot in common. I am truly sorry Sara. It is difficult to get past the pain. Little things bring up memories still for me that were so frightening as a child. I should have never survived my childhood but God intervened more than once. No place was safe for us girls. The holidays were particularly horrible and I know this can be a hard time. Just know you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and will be praying for you too. Take care of yourself and thank you for sharing your feelings through your writing. Love ya Joni

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Carrot and the stick, it’s how psychopaths operate. Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown then yanking it away just as he’s going full tilt to kick it and he falls flat on his back… everytime he believes he can trust her. She gets her kicks from watching him fall because of her. Warning: such individuals never change.

    Liked by 1 person

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