Poetry

Broken Pedestals

“I wasn’t supposed to be your savior,
but you were the one
that put me on that pedestal.”

Don’t you remember the hell you put me through? You told me that day, as the snow dusted the ground, that you didn’t see a reason to live. That you wanted to be dead. It didn’t matter to me that I was tired. Or that school was in session the following day. I drove to you, that night, and convinced you to go to the hospital. I sat there, long after midnight, in that dim waiting room for someone to tell me they’d helped you. You see, you were alive, and that was all that mattered. But later, you told me that helping you was worse. Because I failed to make you believe you should live. How is that right? To put that kind of pressure on a sixteen-year-old girl? I wasn’t supposed to be your savior, but you were the one that put me on that pedestal. And then you burned it down, with me still on it.

So yes, your words sliced like knives. They burned like acid. And that was my reward for trying to be your friend.

Ā© Sarah Doughty
2017

Sometimes the best
of intentions
are met with some
of the most awful revelations.
Don’t ever beat yourself up
for trying to do the right thing.

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10 thoughts on “Broken Pedestals”

  1. “But later, you told me that helping you was worse. Because I failed to make you believe you should live.” I know it can be hard to break through to someone who’s having depression issues, but darn! šŸ˜¦ I think that falls into the “Let me slap your face and then dump a bucket of ice cold water over your head” department.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it was definitely a huge smack to the face. I knew the guy had a crush on me – he wasn’t exactly subtle about his advances, but he was older and I wasn’t sure I wanted to even go beyond a friendship at that time. I was only 16, after all. To put that kind of blame on my shoulders was certainly uncalled for. Perhaps he was lashing out, but the things he said that followed that statement led me to believe that perhaps it was a ruse in hopes of gaining my affections. As if somehow agreeing to sleep with someone would suddenly make them depression free. Now, I had many issues with my self esteem and self image, but I did value myself more than giving my body away in hopes of helping him feel better. At that point, I cut ties with him. I don’t know what came of him, but I don’t regret that decision. šŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

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