“I mourned the loss
of everything that was — me.”
It was still night when the storm passed, I looked at the rubble that surrounded me. What was once a beautiful landscape, save for one darkened corner I never dared to enter, was nothing but broken parts of what used to be my home. And as I mourned the loss of everything that was — me — I realized it shouldn’t still be dark. Under a moonless sky, with only a few twinkling stars, I began to shiver. I knew then what happened. That darkness spread outward like a tidal wave, destroying everything in its path. It revealed so much more than I ever thought possible. It revealed what I never wanted to know. It revealed how broken I really was. How trapped I was, in the darkness. It was only after the initial shock subsided that I realized I was no longer alone. There were creatures all around me. Whispering. Taunting. Snarling. Yet they were hidden from view. I waited for them to attack, but they never came. Eventually, I labeled each one. Shame, Doubt, Fault, Guilt, Fear. Only one was given a true name — the monster I feared my whole life — Father.
© Sarah Doughty
And there they remain,
in the darkness of my mind.
My demons.
This is what it feels like
to have everything
fall down around you.
This is what it feels like
to remember the darkest
time of your life.
Sarah Doughty 
Thank you for sharing your experience 🌹
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thanks for putting truth into beautiful words. I know the falling, too, the labeling, the journey, and I felt belonging in your words. This was my painting of the falling, some years back: https://idragonsoul.com/2016/09/26/hurricane-grief/ It reminded me. Maybe it will give you belonging, too. XX
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Oh goodness that was indeed a powerful piece. Thank you for sharing it with me.
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this was profound.
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“Eventually, I labeled each one. Shame, Doubt, Fault, Guilt, Fear. Only one was given a true name — the monster I feared my whole life — Father.” Such a tragic statement. 😦
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Oh yes indeed. It actually hurt a little too write. Especially the other names. I don’t really enjoy acknowledging all of those feelings and emotions.
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I can totally understand that.
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Deep and profound. I weep with you, as your words draw me into the pain and darkness you experienced. I ache with you for all you have survived.
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Thank you so very much. That means a lot to me.
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Great stuff. Sadly yours is truth, mine is fiction, and the word is Doctor. There is the moment where you come to your opening line, though. A moment that has to be like the eureka moment from hell. You see it, you can call it, but it doesn’t erase it. Cold and hard and direct and all you can do is step over your own rubble and build something for tomorrow. There’s nothing in the rearview you can do anything about, and none of it stopped the sun from coming up. Dawn is hope, tonight is new.
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Oh yes, you are so right about that, my friend. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.
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this is wonderful in it’s vulnerability
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Thank you so much for the kind words.
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I takes a brave person to expose her fears and hurts to the world. Thanks for sharing
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Yes indeed it does. It’s not easy, but I do my best. Thanks, as always, love.
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😊
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Beautiful!
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Thank you, lovely
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But now, these monsters had finally, made their ways out of your concealed unconscious, you can now, do something about them, because that’s your mind’s way of letting you know, that you’re, ready, to conquer your past.
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You make a great point, my friend. Hopefully that is the case.
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