In Mourning

“I mourned the loss
of everything that was — me.”

It was still night when the storm passed, I looked at the rubble that surrounded me. What was once a beautiful landscape, save for one darkened corner I never dared to enter, was nothing but broken parts of what used to be my home. And as I mourned the loss of everything that was — me — I realized it shouldn’t still be dark. Under a moonless sky, with only a few twinkling stars, I began to shiver. I knew then what happened. That darkness spread outward like a tidal wave, destroying everything in its path. It revealed so much more than I ever thought possible. It revealed what I never wanted to know. It revealed how broken I really was. How trapped I was, in the darkness. It was only after the initial shock subsided that I realized I was no longer alone. There were creatures all around me. Whispering. Taunting. Snarling. Yet they were hidden from view. I waited for them to attack, but they never came. Eventually, I labeled each one. Shame, Doubt, Fault, Guilt, Fear. Only one was given a true name — the monster I feared my whole life — Father.

© Sarah Doughty

And there they remain,
in the darkness of my mind.
My demons.

This is what it feels like
to have everything
fall down around you.
This is what it feels like
to remember the darkest
time of your life.

20 thoughts on “In Mourning”

  1. Great stuff. Sadly yours is truth, mine is fiction, and the word is Doctor. There is the moment where you come to your opening line, though. A moment that has to be like the eureka moment from hell. You see it, you can call it, but it doesn’t erase it. Cold and hard and direct and all you can do is step over your own rubble and build something for tomorrow. There’s nothing in the rearview you can do anything about, and none of it stopped the sun from coming up. Dawn is hope, tonight is new.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But now, these monsters had finally, made their ways out of your concealed unconscious, you can now, do something about them, because that’s your mind’s way of letting you know, that you’re, ready, to conquer your past.

    Liked by 2 people

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