Not Knowing

“Maybe that was what frightened me so much.
Not knowing if you loved me back.”

We were already on unsteady ground, darling. You just didn’t see it yet. We were inching closer to that precipice — the edge that would mean either turning around and going back the way we came, or falling into oblivion. The only problem was that our feet weren’t moving. With building terror, we reached the end of the line. And I didn’t know what you would do. Would you jump with me, or would you let me fall to my death? Would you let me fall knowing I would love you, and refuse to do the same for me?

Maybe that was what scared me the most. The nonchalance on your face. As if you were aware of nothing going on around us. But then the ground fell beneath my feet and I knew it was too late. I couldn’t see you, and feared I would crash. I squeezed my eyes closed, waiting for the end to come. And I counted the seconds. One, two three. Nothing happened. I opened my eyes and found that I was at the bottom. You held me in your arms with a small smile and said, “I was yours long ago.” The words stole my breath and it took me a moment to compose myself. Instead of responding, I reached up and kissed you, because no words would ever suffice.

© Sarah Doughty

No words could explain
how much I loved you.

11 thoughts on “Not Knowing”

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