“But I do know one thing:
you deserve better than me.”
Sometimes I am reminded of how our relationship has changed. And not all for the better. I wake up, knowing you aren’t right next to me, because you might scare me in the night. We sit on the same couch, but most evenings I feel like we’re miles apart. We don’t hold hands like we once did — at every possible moment. We no longer kiss the way we did those first few years. The only meaningful contact we have is few and far between. Though none of it is through any fault of yours, I still miss the way we were and I want those days to come back.
The problem is me. It’s always been me. But it seems that even memories can break a person. And this marriage has suffered because of those cracks and chips. Though you keep reminding me there’s nowhere else you’d rather be, I’m still reminded of how things have changed. How things should be different for you. For both of us. For our family. And I just want you to know how sorry I am. I don’t know how we can find our way back. I don’t know if that’s possible. But I do know one thing: you deserve better than me. You should have that perfect life. Because you can’t have that with me.
© Sarah Doughty
I’m sorry that I broke her. —C-PTSD.