“Sometimes, when my head hits the pillow,
I wonder if you’d be happier if I was gone.”
Every night, when my head hits the pillow, thoughts run through my mind. About us. What we were. What we could have been. How everything has changed — and not all for the better. Sometimes I wonder if you’d be happier if I wasn’t here. And sometimes, once my thoughts quiet, I dream of that reality. I see the smiles. The way you don’t carry stress in your shoulders. Like you’re waiting for the shoe to drop. The freedom in your eyes. Like you’re no longer burdened by me. And when I wake, the thoughts stir once more.
Those dreams. They feel so real. Even though what I see is beautiful, it breaks my heart to wonder if that would be your reality if I was gone.
© Sarah Doughty