“They may not deserve forgiveness, but we
may need to give it in order to heal.”

I’ve been told time and time again that in order to heal, you have to forgive. For the longest time, I’ve been trying to figure out if such a thing is even possible. To truly forgive someone that took so much of you for so long. They may not deserve forgiveness, but our hearts may need to give it in order to heal right. So, if that’s true, and we can’t forgive, even for our own sake, does that mean we are the damaged goods everyone believe us to be, or does it make us human? Flawed?

© Sarah Doughty

34 thoughts on “Impossibilities”

  1. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It’s freedom. Once you forgive, you automatically let go of the negatives that were holding you back so the healing process could manifest properly.


  2. Can relate to this so hard. In my humble opinion, to forgive and to move on are different things. I actually don’t believe that “one who won’t forgive shall suffer until they do”. I decided long ago that there are people I will never forgive, because that would feel like denying the damage they caused and degrading myself. I respect the suffering I’ve gone trough too much to do that. I will move on, I have moved on, went to therapy and sorted it out. But no, they can never consider themselves “forgiven”. I have to live with the consequences of what happened, why shouldn’t they?


    1. Ugh yes, I couldn’t agree more. This actually brings about an interesting perspective. They certainly don’t deserve forgiveness. But on the other hand, I’ve also heard the line about forgiveness is for us, not them. So it makes for an interesting philosophical question.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It makes us both human and flawed. Holding onto the pain by refusing to forgive is a slow acting poison that will in the end destroy those who indulge in it.


  4. Hello, Sarah. Your focus is on a subject that everyone can relate to and so many seem to continually struggle with throughout their lives. I used to puzzle over the meaning of forgiveness….and thinking it lets other people off, etc. It feels unfair. But I have since learned from my own experiences and from listening to and reading from wiser people – and it mirrors those thoughts expressed by some of your readers higher up in this thread. Forgiveness is truly a gift to yourself. You cannot control other people’s behaviour, and to hold onto “wrongs” done to you is verily to “drink the poison and expecting the other to die.” Those people have their own lives and actions to sort out and deal with in those situations. In forgiving the others, you work through what you need to do in your healing and then with forgiveness, you let that baggage go. it frees you up. It lightens your soul of anger, jealously, etc. type of baggage that does not serve you other than to tear you apart inside. Forgiveness lets you move forward, to reach for new, for better life experiences. It’s an act of love and kindness toward yourself. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I completely understand and agree. Logistically, it makes perfect sense. I’ve been trying to forgive an entire childhood worth of abuse, but it just isn’t that easy to let it go. One day, I hope that I’ll figure out how.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Forgiveness is such a tricky thing, and it’s difficult to wrap our minds around how something that seems like a gift to the other person is really meant to benefit ourselves. I think there might be a part in there where we think if we forgive someone, it’s somehow the same as saying that what they did was okay, but that’s not what forgiveness is either. I suspect, though, that when we can’t forgive, it is because we are so harmed by the actions of someone. But by hanging onto that hurt, anger, and a million other emotions, we’ve actually made that part the center and focus of our lives. In that respect, if forgiveness allows us to let that part go and allow something else to be the focus of our lives, then it’s probably worth trying for until we can do it.
    I can tell by the length of the comments being left that this hit close to home for a lot of people. It is something they’re either dealing with or have had to deal with in the past. Thank you for sharing this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve heard it said, “holding unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. If I’m holding an apple in each hand I have to let go of them, leave them behind to pick up the watermelon in front of me. I can only grab a hold of the future if I release the past, not grip harder. I know its tough but I also can see how strong you are. Don’t give up. I hope you find Peace in your journey!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. To forgive is undoubtedly the most difficult part of any journey we need to do. Because it is so difficult we live in a world that has refused to forgive. The results speak for themselves.


  8. Lemme share my experience on this. Im sorry if I sound mean but this is me.
    I couldn’t forget this girl who I was in love with. After she broke things with me and moved on. I would still care abt her. Anyone who talked ill of her would have to face my wrath. I cared so much abt her, Bcoz of out break up i slowly started losing myself. I dint go out. I would keep myself away from everything. I lost interest on all those thing thst I used to like. I was willing to do anything just to have her back. I was ready to forget everything that she did and that place where she put me. My heart was full of forgiveness

    Then one day I realised this wasn’t helping. I remembered every horrible things happening with me bcoz of thar breakup, I then kept her on my spot and asked myself If I would have done the same to her. The answer was a big Nooo. I started hating her gradually. And ever since that day, I no longer think her. Hell I would never allow myself to forgive. I simply hate her. And this really helped me to overcome this tragedy.
    So, according to my experience, being kind dosent help at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand where you’re coming from and I’m sorry you’ve gone through it. My situation is a little different. These events happened over the course of my childhood, and the perpetrators are dead. There’s no way for me to confront them, there’s no way for me to see if they felt any remorse over it. It just is. And I’m left with memories.


  9. This is something I have been tormented with for a while now, and I believe that you really need to forgive yourself for thinking that you could ever have changed what other people do. Forgiveness is something that you can ask god for, ask that your heart see beyond what seems to be and to know his people as he knows them. Remember that final judgment belongs to god… and I know very well that out humanity … feeeeels that this may not be timely enough for this person or people that are holding your energy hostage while you seek what you will never be satisfied with… for really there are no do overs. I so wish that were not the case. I feel for you, iam there myself. Thanks for the post. tmwest

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Luckybyday youre going to make it.. Get past it all and live now to let go of past let your amgels heal you and remember god has a bigger plan thats why you let vengence be his. Be a joyous lover friend child of your lord of lord and king of kings. Let him move those mountains for all of us sinners.. May all of us live in the light of the gift of a million angels. Ahhh. Just let it all go. Feels so good to not expect anything. Just peace in your own head. Amen sisters

      Liked by 2 people

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