“You were
my lifeline,
and I knew it —
but I still tried
to push you away.”
You were my lifeline, and I knew it — but I still tried to push you away. It was a test, in a sense — one meant for both of us. I wasn’t perfect, nor would I ever be, but I wanted you to be happy. And you couldn’t have that with me.
I locked away my pain, and, at the same time, I wanted you to think I was done with us. But you stayed. Even as I saw the pain in your eyes, you still wanted me to say the words out loud.
“Tell me to leave — no,” you began, “tell me why, and I’ll go. But if you want me to stay, I’ll stay. I’ll always stay.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to those words, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I was too weak to do it. In the end, I said that I wanted you to stay, no matter how weak such a confession made me feel.
But the best part? You lived up to your promise. Fifteen years later, you’re still here, giving me the same affirmations. I don’t know where I would be if I lied and forced you to leave. Would I have survived? Would you be happier?
I’m the lucky one.
© Sarah Doughty
(If you haven’t already, read part one here.)
Sometimes we don’t know what we want or need until we have it.
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Indeed. Thank you so much.
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This warmed my heart. ❤
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Aww. I’m glad. 😊😊💕
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Amazing!!
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Aw thank you!
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You’re welcome!
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This brought tears to my eyes.
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Thank you so much!
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I literally sighed after reading this. I love, love. Beautiful elaboration on a lovely piece. 💞
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Aw thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it! ❤
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You’re very welcome. ☺️
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This line is so beautiful, “’Tell me to leave — no,’ you began, ‘tell me why, and I’ll go. But if you want me to stay, I’ll stay. I’ll always stay.’” Such a feeling of warmth and love in those words.
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I very much remember that day. It was a slow decline in our relationship and I was pushing him away. This was before I remembered the worst of my abuse, too. So, while I didn’t yell at him to go, he was still confused about what I was feeling and doing. He wanted me to say what I needed to say, but I think he knew me well enough (or hoped he did) that I wouldn’t have the courage to lie to his face and push him away for good. So far, even now, years after remembering the worst, even a therapist that managed to morph a memory of my past with him, and everything he has resting on his shoulders (because I can’t bear the weight of anything more on mine), he still maintains that he’ll never leave. That he’s happy where he is.
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this moved me to tears. :’) of happiness. of love. of admiring how blessed are those who find someone who will stay no matter how hard we are to love. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
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Yes. If only everyone understood this. 💕
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aww. true. true.
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This is just so heartwarming. 🙂
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Aw thank you!
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You’re totally welcome! 🙂
On a side note, I was reading “Just Breathe” at work today (in between patients) and I reached the point where Zoe put that spell on Connor. I was seriously like “O.M.G.” when Aisling broke the charm and they told her that she just made the spell permanent. I was like “How is she going to get him out of this?” 😀
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😁😁😁 Right? Gah! The shenanigans Zoe pulls. I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
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Yeah darling..
However, i believe you´re both lucky…
Tis a kiss darling…
chris
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Thank you! I’d like to think so too.
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A rare happiness…
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Reblogged this on crjen1958.
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