Eloquence In A Question #3

Random Thoughts

After an impromptu Q&A session at Instagram, there were a few questions that really stood out to me. Since this is the third installment of the series, feel free to jump back to the first and second.

Here’s how it works: Have a look at the question, read my answer, and then do one or both of the following: tell me your response to the same question, respond to my answer with thoughts of your own.

Question:

What made you come up with such beautiful poems and stories? Sometimes it’s like you’re sitting next to me, giving advice. (*Slightly paraphrased)

Answer:

Initially, I didn’t have much of a response other than gratitude and that I draw inspiration from everywhere. But then I saw a post by my friend Kindra here and felt I could elaborate appropriately.

Dealing with complex PTSD, constant anxiety, depression, and frequent migraines is like a living nightmare, but it’s worse when the people around me don’t understand what I’m going through. Oh, how many times have I heard, “You’re over reacting.”

Yes, I know my father is dead and won’t just show up in the middle of the night to prey on me like he did all those years when I was a child, but you know what? My body still thinks otherwise. Sometimes it’s hearing irrational thoughts: the worthlessness, failures, and over analyzing. But really, I’m battling years of learned behavior. Not even sleeping pills can convince my body that it’s okay to relax at night. Because, if I let down my guard for one second, if I’m not vigilant at all times, someone — no, some thing will get me.

Most people in my family didn’t fully grasp the severity of what I deal with until I was blindsided at a wedding reception in a restaurant’s wine room. A full on panic attack with tears and shaking hit me like a truck, and then finally they started to see how much something so small can end up pushing me over the edge. It was an eye opener for them.

Anxiety is no joke, and when you or someone you know is dealing with it, real support means everything. Which brings me to why I write, and why I give it away for free. So many people feel alone in their struggles. And they shouldn’t. Simple as that.

People feel as though I’m writing to them because they connect with my words on a level that, to them, feels very personal. And that’s because it is.

How about you?

Stay tuned for the next question.

65 thoughts on “Eloquence In A Question #3”

  1. Wow. Thank you for liking a couple of my posts on Aslynn Writes. Without that, I might never have found you 🙂 I’m completely enthralled with your writing. I’ve never been diagnosed with PTSD, but I’m quite sure I have it, or had it, in the not too distant past. Learning to cope, well, that’s been another story…for another day. I just wanted to thank you and let you know you have an awesome message and you share it in a lovely way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was my pleasure to read and I’m glad you were able to find me. It’s not easy learning to deal with PTSD and all those lovely things that come with it. (I say that with sarcasm of course.) You’re always welcome here to read, vent if you need, or even email if you’d like to speak privately. The worst thing is feeling alone. And you aren’t alone.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent concept to do a Q&A. You’ve really taken me by surprise here with how eloquently you wrote the answer. Content aside it’s a very well formed, insightful and inspirationally written piece.
    As to content… I have no words… only love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Every piece you write stands out as something that is very real and raw. I love reading your work. It is very clear that you have gone through a lot in life, and it’s inspiring to see you use that darkness to create beauty. Stay brave – it truly is inspiring. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. your words are amazing, Sarah. they stood out. they pierces through the heart. but your soul, your heart are even more beyond beautiful. it is stunning how the horrors of your life birth someone so kind and so brave. continue inspiring and touching lives my dear. i know you will. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sarah, coming at this from a different angle, reading your poetry and your journey has helped me to confront and understand some of the emotions I felt as a police officer when dealing with victims of abuse. Due to the volume and nature of the work there was always a feeling that I could have given or done a little bit more. The seeds your poetry plants helps to access some of those closed boxes and engage them through poetry. A heartfelt thanks for what you write and the inspiration it gives to other people.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. wait a minute–you’re not sitting on my shoulder peeking into my head? But surely you’re an omniscient poet reading the heart of the world? (you’ll never convince me you aren’t.) Seriously, what you’re doing is awesome. You have a way with words that I admire and my God, you are amazingly prolific. I bow to your output!

    I write because I love it and I am always writing, even when there is no paper or pc near me. I’d get more written if I could always have a pc or paper in reach but I don’t think my boss would like that too much. Until I can make enough to support myself writing, I have to bow to external pressure and at least look like I am not writing even if I am. There are also a hundred characters and counting who stalk my every step demanding that I write their stories, but that’s beside the point.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand. I suppose the only reason why I write so much, is partially through deception. My poetry isn’t difficult and it flows out of me with little effort. My characters are a little different. They’re very particular and my short attention span, combined with my chronic insomnia, there’s more time to spare, since my days are at least twenty hours long. But the migraines and inability to focus actually makes it impossible to maintain any kind of set schedule. Maybe I’m intuitive, or maybe I’m just omniscient. But I’d like to think that we all connect in some way. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I love the idea of you being a benevolent omniscient poetic being plugged into a higher plane of human existence. I wish I had more than 1-2 hours to write/edit per day, but I like having a roof over my head, so I have to work.

        Liked by 3 people

      3. You are lucky you found such a loving man with such strong shoulders. I walk alone, but I wish you all the best! May he always be strong enough to carry you forward when you need it. 🙂 I hope you have a tight circle of loves ones to lean on as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. With all of the stuff you have to deal with, it must take a lot of strength and/or sheer determination to face each day. It also takes a lot of courage to expose your weaknesses on line with everyone here.

        So, you totally deserve all of those kudos. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks, love. It’s not easy. And I’m sure if I was in high school dealing with the cruelty of my peers, I probably couldn’t do this, but luckily I’m in a community that (so far, fingers crossed) is very supportive. 💖

        Like

  10. I greatly admire you as a woman, a human being, and a writer. Your words allow your readers to FEEL. I believe so many draw strength from you, and that is a beautiful thing, my friend. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for that, love. Feeling is what makes poetry so powerful. Especially on heavy issues like this. If you don’t feel alone, even though there’s a chasm of pain, you know you’re not the only one feeling it.💖

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I always feel like your poetry speaks directly to me; it comforts me and gives me guidance in areas where other people aren’t willing to. In fact (and I hope you don’t mind) I screenshot one of your poems on Instagram on my phone not so long ago and now use it as my wallpaper. It’s a beautiful piece (“Each part you think is flawed, imperfect, less than beautiful is nothing but perfection.”) and it makes me smile each time I see it and instills confidence within me.

    It’s such a pure and kind thing that you do, offering your words of comfort, support and guidance for free ❤ Being able to take your experiences and use them to help others is a feat of incredible strength and I admire you more than I admire people in my everyday life. Thank you for everything!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww that made me smile. Thank you for that. I certainly don’t mind you saving my photos. You’re welcome to do so any time. I know how incredibly lonely life can be, especially when dealing with something as terrible as past abuse — something that has broken our spirits, our souls, and our hearts. But we keep going, trying to pick up the pieces because there’s always hope for something better. I’m honored, truly, that you have such a connection with my words and my books (really, I love you for that, my characters mean so much to me), so thank you for being here. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Sarah– I think you know how many of the same paths that we have walked. I know how scary it, particularly in the beginning to end the silence and put these feelings, these experiences out for public viewing. To certain extent, we write these truths because we have to. Because if I am told one more time by someone who hasn’t lived my life that the past should stay in the past, that I am making a “big deal” over it or that I am writing it “wrong” my head is going to explode. None of us want or choose to stay stuck in the past and the reality is, we don’t. We move ahead with our lives, do normal everyday things. But our bodies never forget and they remind us that at the most crazy, inconvenient, unexpected times that safety is something we experience on a cellular level. I greatly admire and respect your writing style. I have my own way of telling my story that is no more or no less valid– together it paints a richer picture that the traumas of the past don’t just disappear because it would be more convenient for everyone else. And it is deeply meaningful to every time someone tells me that I wrote their truth in a way they couldn’t articulate, that I captured exactly how they felt because damn it feels such a relief to know that I am not alone negotiating this lifelong path to integration.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I definitely understand. I think it took me somewhere around two years of revealing little breadcrumbs of truths about what happened to me. Even now, I don’t drop it all in one piece, because not even the most hardened person would want to read something like that, especially when it happened for years. There have been a few people that have expressed their opinions that moving on is important, but they understand that my situation of such a long-term trauma isn’t so black and white. But I still don’t think it’s right to look at someone who’s experienced one trauma and tell them they need to get over it. I’d never hold my trauma over them and compare it. Because everyone is different. I think, if we tell our truths, other people that have experienced the same won’t feel alone and to me, that’s comforting in its own right. Just to know I’m not the only person in this crazy world that’s been through a hell like that and survived — damaged, sure, but alive — is powerful. 💖

      Like

  13. Having gone through the same history, I relate completely to what you say. It is tragic that although the mind can move past the events, often they are imprinted on the body. If you can find someone good, try “body work”. It’s the initial stage of chiropractic where the person touches areas of pain locked in your body to release it.It may take several sessions but it works. My son and I even took classes. I still have triggers and must be careful about tv and movies which broadside me if I’m not careful I love your giving gracious nature which along with love is the only answer to healing. In a nut shell it is love that heals you. Learning to love yourself care for yourself believe in yourself. Then the rest begins to heal and fall away. It takes time unfortunately. I found the migrains were memories trying to surface. Is it the same for you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think all my memories have surfaced by this point. And there’s so many, I wish I could forget them, some days. I have heard about body work, but I’m hesitant to try it because I don’t like strangers touching me and there’s years of experience in how I carry myself that I’m not sure can be fixed by body work. My previous therapist tried EMDR, which was a a huge mistake on my part, because she jumped right in to my worst memory and stressed that I should keep going no matter what. A memory of my father blended with my husband and that’s not something I can just erase. It’s been over a year and I still struggle with it.

      Like

      1. I’m sorry to hear that Sarah. It was the only thing that worked for me. Counselling couldn’t reach the depth of where it was hidden. Body work saved me. It shortcut the time, for a lifetime of suffering was more than I could tolerate. I’m not healed, I doubt I ever will be fully free, the triggers tell me that. However I’m at a point where it affects me at times I can control for the most part

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You know you best. No one else is inside your skin, which makes YOU the best judge of what to do and when. Xoxo I would never presume to tell anyone what to do, suggest, yes, otherwise, not my style. Hehe I 😍you too much for that

        Liked by 1 person

      8. The greatest tragedy as I see it, are those who don’t understand it took a lifetime to forget to live, it’s going to take as long as it takes to reverse the adverse affects. To them I would say, thank god you DON’T understand and hopefully never will.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Oh yes. As a writer, even I have an incredibly hard time emphasizing how damaged a person’s development would be when they grow up with constant, widespread abuse. Survival is one thing, but I learned to live based on how I was treated. I didn’t know anything else. Until I was older, I began realize something was wrong. How I live now is nothing like what I knew as a child. My natural state is how I grew up. Relearning all those things is going to take a very long time, if it’s even possible to do so.

        Like

  16. Good morning Sarah 🙂

    It is funny, because this question is one that I probably asked you sometime when I started “following” you. Each day, I am looking forward to what you’ll grant the blogosphere, and it is almost scary to see how often I can relate to the poems you publish.

    After reading this post, and realizing I wasn’t the only one feeling that way (not that I thought I was that special :P) I tried to figure out how you did this amazing trick of telling people just what they want/need to read… And though I can’t explain how you do it, I came to think that you have an ability to beautifully put in words universal feelings. And the micro poetry form of most of your posts leaves anyone the liberty to transfer your words onto their own life canvas, since their shortness leave a blank background, focusing just on a situation.

    Writing a 1000 words story about a girl sitting down in a Paris Café terrace, on a bright sunny July afternoon, waiting for her new lover’s arrival after a long day of work (she sells flowers for a living, but the business isn’t doing all that well, and she regrets not having followed her dream of being a dancer), a little concerned about her mother’s health and thinking about quiting smoking cold turkey…. That’s a story that can entertain some, if written the right way.

    Writing how you’re sitting alone, sipping on your coffee, wondering… In a bouquet of perfectly picked words, leaves anyone who had coffee, is having coffee, or is thinking about having one the chance to relate…. And though I feel it is clumsily explained, I think it is one of the strenghts of your micro poetry writing 🙂

    And I love it! Bravo!

    Have a great weekend 🙂 xx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I do remember you asking me something very similar. Many people often ask or comment on my uncanny ability to read their minds that day and give them what they need. Though sometimes I do tell specific stories, similar to the kind you described, but in my poetry, I try to keep things general, yet somewhat specific, to guide people to a certain place and then leave them there to their own devices. It took quite some time to learn this skill, and it seems I’ve still got a knack for it. But I am grateful that people can find my words and feel that they share a kinship with me that they might not feel elsewhere. There’s nothing worse than feeling alone. And sometimes, you don’t even know something specific is bothering you until it hits you square in the chest. But once it does, you have a chance to face it (again, not alone) and move on from it. That’s a powerful thing. 💖💖💖

      Like

    1. Thank you for that. It is a struggle I deal with on a daily basis, but it’s a war I’ve been fighting for some time, and fear I’ll be fighting for much longer. I continue because of the people that love and care about me, and because of the things that I care about. It’s not just people to me. It’s the little things that give me peace. Those little things that fight back.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.